Dear Mr. Gym Teacher,
I picked you out of the crowd at the bar, because you were tragically dressed in a navy v-neck sweater that your mom probably bought for you. You looked like you were a nice guy; and I thought you could be a project that I could fix up. So I grabbed your hand and pulled you to the dance floor. Let’s just accept the fact that you wanted me, because after a few drinks my confidence borders on hubris. [Example: I was told by several men that night that I was hot. To which I responded "I know."]
Then Mr. Gym Teacher, I'm not sure how we got to talking, or what we were talking about, because let’s face it, i was 2 or 3 sheets to the wind. I know that I asked you what you did and how old you were. You were a 24 year old gym teacher, and very proud of it. This is cute, if you are a nice guy. But eventually you made a comment, which basically stated that I WAS going to go home with you that night. So of course, I wanted to make it perfectly clear to you that you were not getting inside of this pair of designer denim tonight or at any point. So, without hesitation I point around the bar and said "There are plenty of other girls at this bar you can go talk to." Frankly dude, did you really think being a gym teacher is going to get you laid? Has this worked for you in the past? Clearly you don't know me; because even if you were a doctor this strategy would not have worked. As if you hadn't already made enough of an ass out of yourself then you said "I don't date". Again dude, know your audience. That night, the last thing I was looking for was a date. After a serious relationship, the scariest thing is going out on a first date with someone new. So I certainly wasn't interested in dating anyone; much less an arrogant gym teacher. In fact, at the bar I had been at 10 min earlier, I ditched a guy because he wanted to take me out on a date the next day; but that's a whole other story. My point is: I was just looking to dance, have fun, and not worry about dating or going home with anyone that night. Clearly, you misunderstood. Later in the night, as I'm giving out my phone number to a different guy at the bar at 1:57am, I glance over to you, and see that you are alone. Why so sad Mr. Gym Teacher? You should probably work on your pick up lines. I'm guessing "I'm a gym teacher, wanna bone?", doesn’t work. Best of luck in the future.
xoxo,
M
