For our second date, I came up to Richmond (my mom lives there and I was in town for her birthday anyway. No, I did not drive 3 hours just for a date). But, of course, I had to have some sort of emergency.
The emergency this time: makeup. I was shopping with my mom, and they were doing some makeovers at Lancome. I was in the market for some new makeup so I let the lady do my eye makeup, and I pre-ordered some neat summer shimmer eye shadow. We head to some other stores and my eyes are itching like crazy and turning all bloodshot. Holy crap. I'm having an allergic reaction to the eye shadow.
So I hustle back to the department store. The Clinique counter has the best eye makeup remover, so I get that done. Only now my eyes are red and puffy. And without makeup. Crap. So I had her cancel the Lancome order. Turns out they have a lot of perfume in their products. Clinique doesn't. Stick with what you know. So I had to get a complete makeover at the Clinique counter, because the eye makeup removal process messed up the foundation, etc. So that set me back by about 1 hour.
So basically, I ran home, changed clothes and then headed back out the door to drive the 40 minutes to Richmond. I get to his apt, and have to parallel park. I don't parallel park. So he had to come down and get in my car and help me, but from there, the date goes smoothly.
He takes me on a driving tour of Richmond. We go people watching and for a walk along the river at Belle Island. Then we head for drinks and appetizers at Legend Brewery. The place has a large deck and a great view of the skyline. Since I'm not a beer drinker, I got a coke and tater tots. Classy, I know. We watched the sun setting over the city before heading out to our next stop.
After that we head to a wine tasting at C'est Le Vin. Turns out DDS is friends with the owners. And they love him and are super sweet and generous. So our wine glasses were filled and refilled. With really really delicious wine. And by tasting, they apparently meant, drink an entire glass for a taste. I was pretty buzzed by the time we left there to go to dinner.
We had dinner at Tobacco Company. I loved it. It was delicious food, and a really nice atmosphere. Very Richmond. After that, we headed back to the wine bar to complete our tasting. While the food helped sober me up, the several more glasses of wine completely reversed that course. And so I finished off the night way too inebriated to drive back to my mom's house. So I go with him back to his apartment to sober up.
His apartment is downtown, and on the top floor, it has a great view of the skyline. So we people watched and ate the delicious cupcakes he had bought me. They were delicious. He remembered that Frostings is my favorite Richmond bakery, and he had got one of each of my favorites. Mucho brownie points there. And so our first kiss was in front of the Richmond sky line. A much more romantic scene than the guy puking his guts out in Raleigh.
After a while, we fell asleep. But for the dirty-minded among you, no nothing happened. In fact, he said he didn't want to mess up anything because he really liked me. I know. Aww.
-W
Monday, June 27, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Dear City of Raleigh,
(Please excuse the lack of posts lately, but I've been traveling. To Fargo, ND. Yeah. Hold back your jealousy.)
I went out the night after the date with the crazy-ass texter with Matt. Matt is a dentist from Virginia (nickname shall be DDS). We had a great time. He drove down, got himself a hotel room (bonus points for not awkwardly asking or expecting to spend the night with me), and met me downtown for dinner.
We had a nice dinner at Gravy, and since he drove 3 hours to get here, I felt like I needed to extend the date past the normal "thanksfordinnergottagobye!" So, after dinner we discussed going to the Bulls game. But we were in downtown Raleigh, and the game was supposed to have already started. Plus, storm clouds were forming. So I suggested we walk over to a block party that I had received a facebook invite to. We walk to where the party is. There is no party. Just a bunch of workers scrambling to put up tents and things before the storm hit. Which it did.
My hair looks terrific at this point, btw. Yay humidity. If someone has some great humidity hair products, please let a girl know! So, we head for an old favorite of mine, Raleigh Times, and snag two prime people watching seats at the bar. It was great conversation. He wasn't sketchy at all, which is a first for dates this summer. Let me tell you. We're chitchatting when suddenly someone grabs my neck.
It's T. A sorority sister. And she is HAMMERED. She was part of an amazing race type contest in Raleigh that involved a lot of drinking. So she had been drinking for approximately 9 hours at this point. She had also lost her group. Lucky me. So, she entertained Matt and I for half an hour. I guess this was paybacks for me being the wasted one a few weeks back when I told her she was a lawyer. Sigh. So T makes Matt take pictures of us. She told him the first one was ugly and to try again. Charming.
She wanders off to find her group, finally. That's when I look up and see Possum. Remember the guy that I played dead to avoid talking to? Yeah, him. He stood there, looking at Matt and then back to me. Shaking his head the entire time. Possum stood right beside Matt for a solid hour. Swell.
So eventually we decide to head out and survey the nightlife. We walk down the street. I'm a good tour guide, showing him landmarks and such. I mention the Deb Ball when we get to the Sheraton (coyly leaving out the walk-of-shame-past-the-today-show story). Matt, being a yankee, has no idea what I'm talking about. So I have to explain it all to him. By that time, its getting late and we end up snagging a table on the street for some more people watching.
We're chatting, watching drunk folk, and suddenly I look up and see a fight start approximately 5 feet behind us. Lovely. I hop up and tell Matt to move out of the way. He does, right as a group of guys crash into our table, sending it flying. Matt turns to me and asks "don't you guys have police in Raleigh?" No, Matt, apparently we do not.
Believing that to be a sign from above that the date was over, Matt walks me to my car like a gentleman. When we get to my car in the parking deck, it's that awkward hug goodbye/ask me out again moment. He asks me out again and we go in for the hug and that's when we hear this AWFUL noise. Yep, some guy is puking his guts out. How romantic.
So, what a good impression you make Raleigh! I hope I did not just become the first girl ever to be cockblocked by her city!
-W
I went out the night after the date with the crazy-ass texter with Matt. Matt is a dentist from Virginia (nickname shall be DDS). We had a great time. He drove down, got himself a hotel room (bonus points for not awkwardly asking or expecting to spend the night with me), and met me downtown for dinner.
We had a nice dinner at Gravy, and since he drove 3 hours to get here, I felt like I needed to extend the date past the normal "thanksfordinnergottagobye!" So, after dinner we discussed going to the Bulls game. But we were in downtown Raleigh, and the game was supposed to have already started. Plus, storm clouds were forming. So I suggested we walk over to a block party that I had received a facebook invite to. We walk to where the party is. There is no party. Just a bunch of workers scrambling to put up tents and things before the storm hit. Which it did.
My hair looks terrific at this point, btw. Yay humidity. If someone has some great humidity hair products, please let a girl know! So, we head for an old favorite of mine, Raleigh Times, and snag two prime people watching seats at the bar. It was great conversation. He wasn't sketchy at all, which is a first for dates this summer. Let me tell you. We're chitchatting when suddenly someone grabs my neck.
It's T. A sorority sister. And she is HAMMERED. She was part of an amazing race type contest in Raleigh that involved a lot of drinking. So she had been drinking for approximately 9 hours at this point. She had also lost her group. Lucky me. So, she entertained Matt and I for half an hour. I guess this was paybacks for me being the wasted one a few weeks back when I told her she was a lawyer. Sigh. So T makes Matt take pictures of us. She told him the first one was ugly and to try again. Charming.
She wanders off to find her group, finally. That's when I look up and see Possum. Remember the guy that I played dead to avoid talking to? Yeah, him. He stood there, looking at Matt and then back to me. Shaking his head the entire time. Possum stood right beside Matt for a solid hour. Swell.
So eventually we decide to head out and survey the nightlife. We walk down the street. I'm a good tour guide, showing him landmarks and such. I mention the Deb Ball when we get to the Sheraton (coyly leaving out the walk-of-shame-past-the-today-show story). Matt, being a yankee, has no idea what I'm talking about. So I have to explain it all to him. By that time, its getting late and we end up snagging a table on the street for some more people watching.
We're chatting, watching drunk folk, and suddenly I look up and see a fight start approximately 5 feet behind us. Lovely. I hop up and tell Matt to move out of the way. He does, right as a group of guys crash into our table, sending it flying. Matt turns to me and asks "don't you guys have police in Raleigh?" No, Matt, apparently we do not.
Believing that to be a sign from above that the date was over, Matt walks me to my car like a gentleman. When we get to my car in the parking deck, it's that awkward hug goodbye/ask me out again moment. He asks me out again and we go in for the hug and that's when we hear this AWFUL noise. Yep, some guy is puking his guts out. How romantic.
So, what a good impression you make Raleigh! I hope I did not just become the first girl ever to be cockblocked by her city!
-W
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Dear Outback (Again),
We met on Friday for dinner and then a comedy show. While you earned points with the comedy show, because it allowed me to check and item off my bucket list, I was miffed by the following things. Cumulatively, they are what made me decide that our second date would be our final date.
1. You had me meet you at the comedy place. You did not even offer to drive me. Not very polite of you. But...
2. I think you wanted me to go to City Limits with you after the comedy show. Seriously, a club on a date. You have got to be joking.
3. A club for 18 year olds. Um no.
4. You kept pressuring me to drink more, despite your incessant chatter about how you want to make sure I'm not an alcoholic like your past girlfriends... Awkward.
5. You flat out told me that you stopped talking to another girl so that you could concentrate on me. After one date. I thought that you were putting a lot of pressure on me to say the same thing, but let's be serious.
6. You take for freaking forever to say goodbye. Like kiss me once and let me go home. Less is more, buddy.
7. Although you claim to be a non-smoker, I definitely detected a smoking odor when you kissed me. Gross. Dealbreaker.
8. You told me that you dated a sorority girl in college. And you cooked dinner for her one night and things were heating up when 10 of her sorority sisters showed up at your door to rescue her. I'm not sure why you would tell me that story. But it pretty much was the kiss of death for you. Let's be serious. Sorority girls are not known for their purity. So it says something to me about your reputation when the collective wisdom of 10 girls is that their friend should not be alone with you.
So, when you asked me out again, I decided to let you down gently. I told you that I wasn't free for dinner until mid-July. Read: a month from now. Take the hint. But you didn't. Here is a verbatim text message conversation that followed:
O: I can take a hint.
O: What about drinks? (HAHHAHAHAH, dude, I don't want to see you. not now. not ever. even for drinks.)
O: Be honest, am I wasting my time pursuing you? (Duh.)
W: I am really swamped right now so I probably don't have time for any relationship right now. I think you are a great guy though. (I thought that was nice and to the point. I am really busy, too, so it isn't a total lie.)
O: Thanks
........... I thought that was the end of it. But this morning:
O: If I'm great then we can still have dinner mid July. I beleave [sic - spelling is clearly from Georgia, like him] somebody's getting what love u have to offer.[ not true, I just don't like him. how about he try and grasp that concept: i'd rather be alone than be with him] So, I guess I'm back to interviewing [wth?] more women. U have enough friends already, but maybe we could do the same. Let me know if u ever need anything. Ps. Do you think their [sic] that actually live the Christian life when their [sic] away from church? Let me know where that church is when u find it. It would be cheaper than going to Russia. lol. [mail order brides? what in the world?]
Yes, he went from sounding sad and lonely to insulting me. So for the record, Outback. Yes, there are girls that live Christian lives. But they probably don't go to bars on second dates, drink tons of alcohol, or go out with guys who insult them.
and two hours later:
O: By the way, I still think ur great!
I haven't responded. Nor will I.
All the best, weirdo.
- W
1. You had me meet you at the comedy place. You did not even offer to drive me. Not very polite of you. But...
2. I think you wanted me to go to City Limits with you after the comedy show. Seriously, a club on a date. You have got to be joking.
3. A club for 18 year olds. Um no.
4. You kept pressuring me to drink more, despite your incessant chatter about how you want to make sure I'm not an alcoholic like your past girlfriends... Awkward.
5. You flat out told me that you stopped talking to another girl so that you could concentrate on me. After one date. I thought that you were putting a lot of pressure on me to say the same thing, but let's be serious.
6. You take for freaking forever to say goodbye. Like kiss me once and let me go home. Less is more, buddy.
7. Although you claim to be a non-smoker, I definitely detected a smoking odor when you kissed me. Gross. Dealbreaker.
8. You told me that you dated a sorority girl in college. And you cooked dinner for her one night and things were heating up when 10 of her sorority sisters showed up at your door to rescue her. I'm not sure why you would tell me that story. But it pretty much was the kiss of death for you. Let's be serious. Sorority girls are not known for their purity. So it says something to me about your reputation when the collective wisdom of 10 girls is that their friend should not be alone with you.
So, when you asked me out again, I decided to let you down gently. I told you that I wasn't free for dinner until mid-July. Read: a month from now. Take the hint. But you didn't. Here is a verbatim text message conversation that followed:
O: I can take a hint.
O: What about drinks? (HAHHAHAHAH, dude, I don't want to see you. not now. not ever. even for drinks.)
O: Be honest, am I wasting my time pursuing you? (Duh.)
W: I am really swamped right now so I probably don't have time for any relationship right now. I think you are a great guy though. (I thought that was nice and to the point. I am really busy, too, so it isn't a total lie.)
O: Thanks
........... I thought that was the end of it. But this morning:
O: If I'm great then we can still have dinner mid July. I beleave [sic - spelling is clearly from Georgia, like him] somebody's getting what love u have to offer.[ not true, I just don't like him. how about he try and grasp that concept: i'd rather be alone than be with him] So, I guess I'm back to interviewing [wth?] more women. U have enough friends already, but maybe we could do the same. Let me know if u ever need anything. Ps. Do you think their [sic] that actually live the Christian life when their [sic] away from church? Let me know where that church is when u find it. It would be cheaper than going to Russia. lol. [mail order brides? what in the world?]
Yes, he went from sounding sad and lonely to insulting me. So for the record, Outback. Yes, there are girls that live Christian lives. But they probably don't go to bars on second dates, drink tons of alcohol, or go out with guys who insult them.
and two hours later:
O: By the way, I still think ur great!
I haven't responded. Nor will I.
All the best, weirdo.
- W
Friday, June 10, 2011
Dear Patrick the Blah,
We went out on Monday night. I turned heads. You did not.
I've gotta get ready for date 2 with outback so I'm going to keep this simple for you:
1 - you should not constantly be talking about going to the gym, if you are medically considered overweight/obese. if you work out that much, and have yet to lose any weight, you are doing something wrong.
2 - your car is a two door charger. I don't have a problem with the charger. I have a problem with you buying a 2 door one. You are in your 30s. Your car should be a nice sedan or SUV, or a really nice sports car. The charger kinda tells me you are trashy in your tastes.
3 - do you not have single hobby or friend. I spent the time talking about friends, traveling, activities. You talked about your brother in fayetteville. I suggest you develop both friends and hobbies. You aren't new to this town, you went to both undergrad and grad school here. Where are your friends?!?!
4 - back to the car thing. I hate to beat a dead horse here, but you told me that for the past 7 years you drove a car without air conditioning. We live in the south. We have summer 8 months a year. You drive a minimum of 2 hours a day in your car you said. SO WTF?!?! I think you are probably super cheap, in which case I am not the girl for you. I'm a cheap date, but not that cheap. Geeze.
5 - do you think you could have tucked your shirt in for our date? I mean, if you weren't going to take the clothes to the dry cleaner, you would think u could class it up. Just a little.
He's asked me out a few times since then. I've been busy, asleep, or "tired." Read: uninterested
best of luck Patrick, you seem like a nice enough guy. But in the words of A: I would eat you for breakfast.
-W
I've gotta get ready for date 2 with outback so I'm going to keep this simple for you:
1 - you should not constantly be talking about going to the gym, if you are medically considered overweight/obese. if you work out that much, and have yet to lose any weight, you are doing something wrong.
2 - your car is a two door charger. I don't have a problem with the charger. I have a problem with you buying a 2 door one. You are in your 30s. Your car should be a nice sedan or SUV, or a really nice sports car. The charger kinda tells me you are trashy in your tastes.
3 - do you not have single hobby or friend. I spent the time talking about friends, traveling, activities. You talked about your brother in fayetteville. I suggest you develop both friends and hobbies. You aren't new to this town, you went to both undergrad and grad school here. Where are your friends?!?!
4 - back to the car thing. I hate to beat a dead horse here, but you told me that for the past 7 years you drove a car without air conditioning. We live in the south. We have summer 8 months a year. You drive a minimum of 2 hours a day in your car you said. SO WTF?!?! I think you are probably super cheap, in which case I am not the girl for you. I'm a cheap date, but not that cheap. Geeze.
5 - do you think you could have tucked your shirt in for our date? I mean, if you weren't going to take the clothes to the dry cleaner, you would think u could class it up. Just a little.
He's asked me out a few times since then. I've been busy, asleep, or "tired." Read: uninterested
best of luck Patrick, you seem like a nice enough guy. But in the words of A: I would eat you for breakfast.
-W
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Dear Outback,
You were cuter than your pictures, not that I will ever admit that to your face. You also were pretty funny.
Right up until you said "You are really pretty, for an NC State girl"
Wtf kind of backhanded compliment is that?
Seriously, it is a good thing that you were cute and funny and nice.
Otherwise I wouldn't have made out with you in the outback parking lot on a Sunday night like the makeout whore I am.
-W
Right up until you said "You are really pretty, for an NC State girl"
Wtf kind of backhanded compliment is that?
Seriously, it is a good thing that you were cute and funny and nice.
Otherwise I wouldn't have made out with you in the outback parking lot on a Sunday night like the makeout whore I am.
-W
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Dear City of Raleigh,
Sorry for partying.
The girls and I headed to downtown Raleigh this Friday for some summer shenanigans. It was like college all over again. Meaning, it was awesome and complete shit show. Here are some snippets for your enjoyment:
- playing power hour while getting ready. (fratmusic.com has ready made powerhour playlists as well as playlists for anything else you could possibly think of. warning though, it will make you want to drink.)
- A: W, you look like a hooker!
W: I AM a hooker! Shut the fuck up!
(side note, this was shouted on the sidewalk at roughly 9:30pm. right in front of people finishing their dinners.)
A: She is not actually a hooker.
20 minutes late and blocks away:
- W: Do you think that guy knows I am a hooker?
Rando: what's your name?
H: James
Rando: That's a boy's name
H: I used to be a man
Rando: You did not!
H: wouldn't you like to know?
H&W: Hey, Chris the Bouncer, for every douchebag you let in this bar, double the cover and split it with us.
Chris: There is no cover.
H&W: Ok, just pay us in shots then.
H: How old are you?
Rando2: 23
H: you look 7
Rando 2: I usually get told I look 12
H: It's probably because of your Justin Bieber haircut.
W: We're lawyers!
T: No, I'm a speech therapist... you're a lawyer!
W: It's my birthday... MONTH! (over and over and over at top volume)
Rando 3: So your group seems pretty fiesty.
A2: You have no idea.
Rando: Who in the group is most fiesty?
A2: You couldn't handle any of us.
Rando: What about the girl in the pink (W)?
A2: Oh, she would eat you for breakfast.
Rando: It's ok I have my friends for backup.
A2: So does she. See the girl in the black and white dress (H?)
Rando: Yeah
A2: You and all of your friends combined couldn't handle either one of them.
Rando: Yeah right.
A2: Ok, don't say I didn't warn you! W, this guy says he can handle you.
W: Awww, bless his heart!
- at some point I dropped my phone, it broke into 5 pieces. A said that I picked up 2 pieces (the back cover and part of the case, not anything that actually had buttons) and walked off. Leaving them to pick up my phone.
- W: That girl you were just talking to was not cute. (She totally was, I was just in a douchey mood I guess)
Rando3: Oh, you mean my friend's wife?
W: Yeah. Not cute.
- A: H is texting people in your phone. Who is M.S. and how do you know him? He is really concerned about your inebriated state.
W: Bible Study.
A: I'm going to go remove your phone from H.
- (after punching rando 3 for apparently the 3rd time) Rando 3: Ow! you hit hard!
W: It's because I work out.
Rando 3: Do you really?
W: yep! See my muscles! (and then I proceeded to make the entire table feel my muscles)
and finally, the quote of the night:
Rando 3: You're really cute. I'd like you more if you were sober though.
<3 you guys!
-W
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Dear Mr-i-love-you-voicemail-guy,
We met at a bar one night in college. I can't remember if we made out or not. I'm guessing we didn't make out because you had a soul patch, and I find those things disgusting. Plus, I invited another guy to hang out with me the night we met, so that could have been awkward.
Anyhow, I must have been drunk enough to give you my number. And you were crazy enough to use it. Several times a day. Despite me not returning or responding to your desperate attempts to contact me.
Two weeks after we met, I was at chapter (for the non-greeks in here, weekly sorority meetings). So I sent you to voicemail. As everyone was socializing after the close of chapter, I listened to your voicemail.
Shut.Up.
You legit ended your message with an "i love you." Seriously. To confirm, I asked another sorority sister to tell me what she heard when she listened to the message. A said, "That's an 'i love you' alright."
Awesome.
So, being me, I played the message on speaker phone for almost the entire sorority. Guess you never got a chance to date a piece of "heaven on earth" because none of the angels would go out with you after they figured out you were Mr.-I-love-you-voicemail guy.
Next time, keep your crazy-sounding, clingy, creepy thoughts to yourself.
loveyoumeanit!
-A
Anyhow, I must have been drunk enough to give you my number. And you were crazy enough to use it. Several times a day. Despite me not returning or responding to your desperate attempts to contact me.
Two weeks after we met, I was at chapter (for the non-greeks in here, weekly sorority meetings). So I sent you to voicemail. As everyone was socializing after the close of chapter, I listened to your voicemail.
Shut.Up.
You legit ended your message with an "i love you." Seriously. To confirm, I asked another sorority sister to tell me what she heard when she listened to the message. A said, "That's an 'i love you' alright."
Awesome.
So, being me, I played the message on speaker phone for almost the entire sorority. Guess you never got a chance to date a piece of "heaven on earth" because none of the angels would go out with you after they figured out you were Mr.-I-love-you-voicemail guy.
Next time, keep your crazy-sounding, clingy, creepy thoughts to yourself.
loveyoumeanit!
-A
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