Dear Greg/Craig,

An oldie but a goodie from Summer 2007:


Here is an email I sent to explain my 5:45 am phone call to H:

 We were in route home from the sheraton. The sheraton where I am never
sober.  Yeah...

So that night (thursday) one of my sorority sisters had her birthday
party. I was gonna make an appearance. So a coworker, C, and I
decided to go to the party.  We were at work, leaving and I was like
well i need to get the boy (Sam's club) a bday present (his party was last
night... incidentally, I got him a Bible. It obviously didn't take) and so we go to the mall. It is getting late so we decide to buy outfits there and get our makeup done there so we can just leave
for the party straight from the mall.

Step One: have a few drinks at bogarts, but I'm driving so I pace
myself to about one per hour. So far, so good.

Step Two: get handed 3 doubles in 10 minutes... get drunk fast...
challenge birthday girl to a makeout contest. Typical.

Step Three: smile at  hot guy across the room. he comes over. he says
his name is greg. I hear craig. Tells me he is 30 (Really 34).

Makeout with him. If this isn't the story of my life, I don't know what is.

Step Four: Go to another bar. On the way in the birthday girl is making out with
some dude who is a chippendale dancer. You cannot make this stuff up. He was really hot.  He stops
kissing A and makes out with me on the way out the door. This is
in front of greg/craig. Sorry for partying.

Step Five: Take the party back to greg/craig's room at the sheraton to sober up.

Step Six: Make out all night with greg/craig til 5am.  All we did is kiss, folks. A, C, and C's new boy toy were all in the room.

Step Seven: Realize at 5:30 am that I have to be at work in 3 hours.

Step Eight: Wake everyone up. Ask greg/craig what his real name is.
It's greg after all. My bad.  Also discover that the co-worker, who is engaged to another guy at this time, has about 12 hickies all over her neck. Lordy.

Step Nine: Call H and tell her my mojo is back.  At roughly 5:45am.

Step Ten: On the way out of the Sheraton, notice that the Today show has already started filming their summer good morning series.  Do the walk of shame/stride of pride past the Today show, airing live from Raleigh.  My daddy would be so proud...

Step Eleven:  Arrive at work after zero sleep, but a shower and clean clothes.  Enter work with C.  With our sunglasses still on. One of us actually walks into a wall.

Step Twelve: Recover enough to drink at Sam's Club's Birthday party that night.  What can I say?  I'm a trooper!

-W