Dear Rico Suave,

Dear Rico Suave,

I met you at the country club; I was working as the Summer camp counselor, while you worked in the kitchen at the pool.   Every day either myself or my co-counselor had to deliver the kids (and our own) lunch orders to you.  You always made comments that made me feel slightly uncomfortable, like telling me how good I look, or that I am sexy. Slightly uncomfortable, but no big deal, whatev. 

One day, during this encounter, you asked for my number.   You caught me off guard, and knowing that (a) you would have access to my lunch daily, and (b) that the other people we worked with knew I was single, I didn't have a prepared lie, and felt like I had to comply.  Thus ensued the stalking.   You called me when I was at work, you called me when I was not at work.  I ignored your calls.  Is that not a sign that I didn't want to talk to you?  Creeper.  You tried a different approach:  calling me from a restricted number.  It works, I answered.  Damn it.  You asked to go out with me; I came up with some lame excuse to get out of it, and quickly got off the phone with you.  

The next week, you send your friend up to were I was working (whom I had mutual friends in common with) to ask if we could hang out in a group, and your friend implies that you are interested in me.   No shit.  I hadn't noticed.   I declined.   From here on out, I started avoiding you. I make my co-counselor for the kids camp put in our lunch orders, and retrieve the food from you in the kitchen at the pool.  I was avoiding you, and hoping you wouldn't know which lunch was mine.  I could do without spit in my salad dressing.  I guess you still didn't get the hint because you called me while I was at the pool with the kids during work.  I know you could see me at the pool.  So very smooth Rico.   And I know, you were in the kitchen watching me look at my phone and see your number pop up on caller ID.  Shit.  Now I have to answer.   I answer your phone call, but I couldn't hear anything.  Maybe you were just testing me to see if I would answer your call, or maybe you didn't have good reception so I couldn't hear what you were saying.  Either way, I was glad I didn't actually have to talk to you. 

After I had stopped picking up our lunch orders, you start hitting on my co-counselor.  There was one day I remember in particular where my co-counselor went to pick up our lunch orders and you told her that you were jealous of the little boy who had been sitting on her lap.  Umm, gross.  You continued to call me from restricted numbers leaving messages.   My coworkers coined the nickname Rico Suave for you, because of your lack of finesse.  And honestly, I never bothered to learn your real name. 

After summer was over, I never had to see you again.  However, I was confronted by managment at the country club and asked for a personal statement about your behavior.  Apparently, my incident with you was not the only one that happened at the country club.  You had gotten hold of a list of female staff phone numbers, and stalk dialed your way down the list.   I also found out that you, at 23 years old, had a wife and 3 kids.   You continued to call me intermitently, for 2 years from your number or a restricted number, occassionally leaving messages.   Seriously dude, give up.  That is why to this day I do not answer phone calls from numbers I dont recognize, restricted numbers, and I still have your number saved as "Rico DO NOT ANSWER". 

M