- So I joined eharmony to get my numbers up. So I am currently exhausted from chitchatting with roughly 30 guys. Seriously, this is like speed dating on crack. But one of them, CPA, has a best friend that works at the law firm I used to work out. So i asked a friend who still works there to do some recon. Wow. He got some good info, but his source totally ratted me out. CPA totally called me on my recon work on our first phone call. Lovely.
- Plan b texted me last night and asked me to guess where he was at that moment. At roughly midnight. I said the drive through. He answers "capital caberet. saving souls." WTF. Why would any guy ever tell any girl he was at a strip club? Seriously. That's insane. I wasn't even sure how to respond to that. There is a reason you are 35 and single, my friend, and telling girls that you frequent strip clubs is one of those reasons.
There really needs to be a guidebook on how to handle these freaks...
From summer 2007, a guest entry from H:
I just got off the phone with Chad the Spaz and he has already made such an impression that I am breaking tradition here and I'm going to write about someone I haven't even met yet. Chad the Spaz and I have been communicating for awhile now. We have tried twice to get together and neither time worked. He always calls me at the most random times (9am?!!? and 2pm??! wtf). Most recently, I was supposed to meet Chad the Spaz for coffee or drinks or something downtown. Well, I had gone out the night before and was seriously hung over. I literally texted him and cancelled from the couch between throwing up and napping. We were supposed to meet at 6pm-- I was that hungover.
So Chad the Spaz calls me a couple days ago and I call him back tonight, he says he's getting to his hotel, can he call me on his way to dinner? Sure no problem. So he calls me back about an hour later and he's AT dinner (with people I am guessing, I think he's on vacation for the holiday weekend). So he proceeds to start talking politics with me. He sounds like he's eating while he's talking. Mind you, the restaurant is pretty loud too. So he's going on and on about the tax rate going to 66% and blah blah blah. He asks how I feel about politics. I tell him I vote but I am not interested in politics. He tells me that if the tax rate goes to 66% I'd probably get interested. My response was that I didn't think my personal interest in politics would have any impact on tax rates...
So I'm letting him go on and on about Katrina and how much money he donated and how he thinks the houses need to be rebuilt on stilts above sea level blah blah blah. I mean, don't get me wrong. I am not opposed to these conversations in general. But homeboy and I have never met and futhermore, I told him I was not interested in the topic AND he's at dinner with people while eating and talking to me.
I think I'm going to go out with him for the entertainment value. To be sure it will be great blog material...
A few weeks later this happens:
I just received a picture text from an area code in my city. It was a candid picture of someone's penis. What is wrong with people? There are only a few people I've met from match that I ended up deleting their number. The more unpredictable ones, I left in there so I knew to ignore their calls if they ever did call. And now this?? I'm trying to get pictures of the texts taken but nothing seems to be working. I'll be happy to post the pictures when I get it figured out but in the meantime here is how the exchange went down. I also googled laws on text harassment and since he sent an obscene picture and made a lewd comment, I could legitimately file a police report. I think I got rid of him, especially after I had my friend call the harasser from his Skype to tell him to leave me alone or I'm filing a police report. The harasser knew my name so I'm definitely the intended target. I may file a report just in case. Motherfuckers better get to steppin!
Initial text: a candid picture of a penis in a man's hand, obviously taken with the camera phone
Me: who is this?
Creeper: watever
Me: i think you have the wrong person
Creeper: Nope!
Creeper: [My name]
Me: so why won't you tell me who you are? you already showed me what i assume is your penis. im not sure why you did that
Creeper: cuz ur being a a brat. it wud hav ben beter n u
Me: haha. this has to be a prank. good job, you made me laugh!
Creeper: good. i must admit if i wer a girl and a fun handsom guy sent me a pic id wish i got.... Nsted!! [wtf does this even mean?!?!]
Me: try spelling correctly next time. sorry if i broke your heart or something but judging by these texts, i'm glad i forgot you. good luck.
After that went down is when I asked my male friend to call and see if we could get something off the voicemail but it was automated. That's when he left the message about the police report. Hopefully this is the end of it...
Figured out the camera situation! Left the initial picture text of the penis out because I know some of you read this at work. Will be happy to share with you off the blog.
And then Mystery Solved:
The mystery penis picture texter has come forward. I never thought this day would come. In fact, I am shocked that he came forward and admitted guilt. Perhaps he thought I would be impressed with the picture (it was rather large) and want to go out with him. He's wrong. Turns out it's Chad the Spaz! Who would have thought? Here is what the message said:
Hey......[my name]........Chad here. Wanted to call and apologize. I accidently sent you a picture.....uh a few weeks ago or however long ago it was. I have, a lot of you know, [uncommon letter that my name begins with] in my phone and I made a mistake. So, anyway, hope all is well, bye.
What a freak!!! I did not call him back. Not to mention the other two calls he made to me that I did not return. Give it up, spaz...I should be calling him perv instead!
-H
-H
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