Dear Alan the Regular

So last night's date was nothing spectacular, and nothing crazy wild.  It was what happened after the date with two other guys that made last night's date seem like a dream date.

First, I had Alan The Regular texting me.  He had wanted to go out this weekend, but I've got plans out the ying yang. So, I said how about next week and told him I could be free on Monday night or Wednesday night.  This is the text conversation that followed:

A: Wednesday will work. What time works for you?
W: 7:30
A: What time do you eat dinner on a normal night? [seriously, wtf does he care. he asked what time i'd be free. i said 7:30. that's normal. its not like i said 9:30pm]
W: Um sometimes I skip or eat very late or very early. I don't have a set time.
A: Haha. I don't miss meals. [yes, I'm aware based on some of your pictures]. Usually eat at 6. lol. [did i ask you what time you eat? no. do I care? no. this is a first date, perhaps you'd like to take me on a date, or perhaps you would like to dine alone at 6.]
W: I'm generally still at work then. haha. [as is most of America, you fool]
A: I see that. lol. I have a conference call at 8:30 on wed. [then why did you agree to wed.?!?!]

and then it gets weirder...

A: Actually I just signed up for a 30 day teleconference course starting tomorrow.  It is on releasing which is like meditation.

It was at this point that I started to think that Eharmony is punking me.  Seriously, meditation from the guy who has to eat at 6pm.

W: Interesting.
A: It is. It's great stuff. [apparently my text message did not convey my sarcasm as much as I would have hoped.  what I actually meant my interesting was "you are a freak.  I don't know what freaks me out more, that you signed yourself up for a class for 30 days worth of conference calls, that you have so much free time that you can do 30 days worth of conference calls, or the fact that it is on some bullshit called releasing.]

W: Why do you need to meditate? [what the hell is wrong with you?]
A: Its a great way to let go of stress and achieve goals in life.

Dear Alan, another great way to let go of stress is to live on the wild side and eat dinner at 5pm or even 8pm. You might also socializing with the rest of society for 30 straight days.  Maybe then you wouldn't come across as a complete nutjob.

Further, I assume you paid money for this class to help you achieve your goals.  Sitting at home alone is really going to help you go far in life.  See, the people who actually achieve something in life actually do stuff.  They don't sit around meditating about it.

So meditate on this Alan, I need dates, but not bad enough to suffer through an hour of you droning on and on about releasing.  Nor do I need a date bad enough to leave work early for you.

Best of luck, though and bless your heart.

W