You seem like a nice enough guy, so don't take this the wrong way, but I got the distinct impression that you are gay. As in, not interested in girls. Maybe in theory you like girls, but nothing about your appearance, your mannerisms, or your conversation suggested that you are actually attracted to women.
here are some examples:
- your shirt, while very trendy, had glittery silvery threading in it. straight guys do not wear glitter. ever.
- your college is known for having a large gay population
- you mentioned how much fun it is to go shopping
- you had way more hair product in your hair than I did
- your mannerisms and expressions reminded me of my sorority sisters. i don't want to date them, as much as I love them.
- you were skinnier than me. if anyone can make me feel obese, I need to find someone else.
- you checked out the dudes in the bar, more than the girls. and there were some hot girls there. i know, because one of them was in my pledge class.
So glitter shirt, to make a long story short, I don't think you are interested in me, or my gender. Best of luck though, with whatever gender you pick.
-W.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Dear C/Match,
A comment left by C/Match on yesterday's post suggested that I not mock the relationship by posting the 100 promises. Well, C, perhaps you should have thought about that before you cheated. You are lucky that I didn't post your full name after the way you treated P. You made your bed... so without further ado: here are the hilarious post-relationship 100 promises made to P by her ex, Match. You cannot make this stuff up.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Dear Match,
another guest entry, but one that will keep you laughing, especially tomorrow when I post his 100 outrageous promises!
Dear Match the habitual liar,
Match and I met in a bar exchanged numbers and then went on out first date. First date we meet at a nice restaurant dinner is great conversation is great we really have chemistry. Important things to note from conversation that will be important later in the story. 1. He says he is 28. 2. He says he graduated law school and works for the ITC (govt). 3. He says his last name is J*****.
So date 1 goes well I do the ass out hug bc I want to come off as sweet and hard to get. Date 2 ensues and we make out a bit. Date 3 we make out a lot. Things are going good and I have not pulled out my whore side (meaning I'm keeping my knees together). We start hanging out consistently and then I leave for vacation in the islands. 7 days without a cell phone. I'm sure as hell not paying international fees. So we are able to email back and forth. His email address being Austin.j****@gmail.com. (I'm getting the the releavance if this) Back from the islands, he asks me to be his girlfriend and explains how he sees falling in love and blah blah.
Now about 2 months have passed. We are hanging out all the time and I practically live at his place. Well one night I ask a random question about how he is out of the loop being on facebook. (he said he wasn't and I could never find him). Then shit hits the fan. He tells me he is in love with me and then explains how he is really only 23 and in law school and is a part-time (read: intern) for the ITC. The kicker is he his last name is not even J***** but spelled completely different and with a G!
Even though it's a huge red flag, I decide really what's the age and how superficial would I be if I dumped him because he is a law student. So we work things out and all is good. Jump to the summer when he leaves for NYC for his summer job at a big law firm. I get to visit and make a couple long weekend vacations. A couple red flags appear that I apparently miss. The night he was out and kept ignoring my phone calls until almost 4am. I was drunk and I am a determined drunk you ignore my phone call (I know this because it only rings twice and goes to voicemail). I've called you a million times I know your phone, I'm not an idiot! You finally call me at 5am and say you had to take a friend home all the way to the Bronx or something. Right still don't believe you but whatever. I then get angry at you at your company dinner cruise because you were trying to be all cool and treat me like a colleague and not your girlfriend. I should have gotten back on the train and left your ass then and there. You once again talk your way back in my good graces and take care of me when I have the worst migraine ever while in NYC. Not the place for a migraine.
All is well again and we have a nice time through the holidays. You come home for thanksgiving. We have a nice gift exchange at christmas but something is off and I can't pinpoint it. You come back from christmas and start back to classes. It is your last semester and you already have a job offer in NYC. You are always saying your studying or you frequent happy hours at inconvenient for me to join times. But you always come over or I always come to your place so no big deal. You ask me to move to NYC with you. I am thrilled and immediately start to think how I can transfer within my company and find us an amazing apartment.
Then the light turns to dark. My roommate approaches me at happy hour. She has something to tell me but doesn't know how to do it. She finally tells me she found you on match.com and the pictures were from us in NYC, profile also stating he had been active within 24hrs. I immediately then go to his apartment unannounced and he is studying. I demand to know whats going on. He denies and denies.
So my roommate took screenshots and emailed them. Match says someone is playing a mean joke. Oh really let me see your phone. He continues to not show me so I pack all my stuff and I'm about to leave when he gives in. What I find burried deep in his email are emails from random girls. And one email specifically saying which day of the week for each of these girls.
So after about a week of me trying to wrap my head around everything that I just found I finally get up the nerve to say "I'm done" this is not before I get a beautiful Lilly puitzer handbag plus lots of flowers. Match still sends me flowers in hopes of one day getting me back. He also sent a very lavish valentines day gift (I hate this day with a passion). I exchanged the tiffany's necklace for something that wasn't a heart and I used the spa gift certificate for a very lovely massage and facial. (editor's note. this was my favorite part of the story, keeping the tiffany's but getting rid of the sentiment! -W)
For a good two months after that, I continued to receive things from him. I recently received a package left at the front desk of my building. And 2 dozen long stem roses. The package has 2 books I let Match borrow and 2 relationship books. Look buddy I don't need those you need those get the picture. On top of it 10 page hand written note (hello psycho!), a list of 100 reasons I love you and 100 promises I make to you. (Wait til you guys get to read those tomorrow! they don't disappoint!!!)
And I'm on to the next.
P
Dear Match the habitual liar,
Match and I met in a bar exchanged numbers and then went on out first date. First date we meet at a nice restaurant dinner is great conversation is great we really have chemistry. Important things to note from conversation that will be important later in the story. 1. He says he is 28. 2. He says he graduated law school and works for the ITC (govt). 3. He says his last name is J*****.
So date 1 goes well I do the ass out hug bc I want to come off as sweet and hard to get. Date 2 ensues and we make out a bit. Date 3 we make out a lot. Things are going good and I have not pulled out my whore side (meaning I'm keeping my knees together). We start hanging out consistently and then I leave for vacation in the islands. 7 days without a cell phone. I'm sure as hell not paying international fees. So we are able to email back and forth. His email address being Austin.j****@gmail.com. (I'm getting the the releavance if this) Back from the islands, he asks me to be his girlfriend and explains how he sees falling in love and blah blah.
Now about 2 months have passed. We are hanging out all the time and I practically live at his place. Well one night I ask a random question about how he is out of the loop being on facebook. (he said he wasn't and I could never find him). Then shit hits the fan. He tells me he is in love with me and then explains how he is really only 23 and in law school and is a part-time (read: intern) for the ITC. The kicker is he his last name is not even J***** but spelled completely different and with a G!
Even though it's a huge red flag, I decide really what's the age and how superficial would I be if I dumped him because he is a law student. So we work things out and all is good. Jump to the summer when he leaves for NYC for his summer job at a big law firm. I get to visit and make a couple long weekend vacations. A couple red flags appear that I apparently miss. The night he was out and kept ignoring my phone calls until almost 4am. I was drunk and I am a determined drunk you ignore my phone call (I know this because it only rings twice and goes to voicemail). I've called you a million times I know your phone, I'm not an idiot! You finally call me at 5am and say you had to take a friend home all the way to the Bronx or something. Right still don't believe you but whatever. I then get angry at you at your company dinner cruise because you were trying to be all cool and treat me like a colleague and not your girlfriend. I should have gotten back on the train and left your ass then and there. You once again talk your way back in my good graces and take care of me when I have the worst migraine ever while in NYC. Not the place for a migraine.
All is well again and we have a nice time through the holidays. You come home for thanksgiving. We have a nice gift exchange at christmas but something is off and I can't pinpoint it. You come back from christmas and start back to classes. It is your last semester and you already have a job offer in NYC. You are always saying your studying or you frequent happy hours at inconvenient for me to join times. But you always come over or I always come to your place so no big deal. You ask me to move to NYC with you. I am thrilled and immediately start to think how I can transfer within my company and find us an amazing apartment.
Then the light turns to dark. My roommate approaches me at happy hour. She has something to tell me but doesn't know how to do it. She finally tells me she found you on match.com and the pictures were from us in NYC, profile also stating he had been active within 24hrs. I immediately then go to his apartment unannounced and he is studying. I demand to know whats going on. He denies and denies.
So my roommate took screenshots and emailed them. Match says someone is playing a mean joke. Oh really let me see your phone. He continues to not show me so I pack all my stuff and I'm about to leave when he gives in. What I find burried deep in his email are emails from random girls. And one email specifically saying which day of the week for each of these girls.
So after about a week of me trying to wrap my head around everything that I just found I finally get up the nerve to say "I'm done" this is not before I get a beautiful Lilly puitzer handbag plus lots of flowers. Match still sends me flowers in hopes of one day getting me back. He also sent a very lavish valentines day gift (I hate this day with a passion). I exchanged the tiffany's necklace for something that wasn't a heart and I used the spa gift certificate for a very lovely massage and facial. (editor's note. this was my favorite part of the story, keeping the tiffany's but getting rid of the sentiment! -W)
For a good two months after that, I continued to receive things from him. I recently received a package left at the front desk of my building. And 2 dozen long stem roses. The package has 2 books I let Match borrow and 2 relationship books. Look buddy I don't need those you need those get the picture. On top of it 10 page hand written note (hello psycho!), a list of 100 reasons I love you and 100 promises I make to you. (Wait til you guys get to read those tomorrow! they don't disappoint!!!)
And I'm on to the next.
P
Monday, April 25, 2011
For the record,
I have gone out on 4 of the 28 dates. Here is a quick recap:
First there was CPA. CPA was an accountant from Minnesota. So, it was kinda like going on a date with my dad (who is an accountant from Minnesota). Unfortunately, I also got the scoop on CPA from my friend Matt who works with one of CPA's exes. Turns out CPA only dates doctors and lawyers and has some commitment issues. He was a nice enough guy, our date was pretty vanilla, but it was not a trainwreck, so there isn't a whole lot to blog about.
Second, I went out with Matthew the Lawyer. Matthew is actually very good friends with a college friend, but he knows people I went to law school and also high school with. We had a good date, nothing super crazy. He did start in on the sex talk right away so that was a giant red flag. And then he brought up that he had a nickname for his ahem, privates. And he went into graphic detail about why it was called what it was called. Thanks, buddy, but you might want to leave something for the second date? Anyway, he bailed on me for date two, so I don't think I'll be seeing much of him again. Being a lawyer was his first strike anyway.
Next was Sergio the Mexican. We had a good date as well, but Sergio is not even kidding, leaving for a long trip to China. And then he is interning with Dell in Austin all summer. Seriously, I cannot make this crap up. (For those of you out of the loop, Sam's Club had another girlfriend in China, and sent me to house hunt in Austin- where he was going to take a job at Dell- so he could play house in Raleigh with her). But Sergio and I had a lot in common, especially a love for travel. Plus he has that Latin accent which is kind of hot. And he also speaks German. So I can talk to him in English or German, but don't understand a word of his native Spanish. Sigh.
Tonight I went out with Brett the Banker. He is super fratty, which, I find attractive. He wore seersucker shorts on our date. The DAY after Easter. Holy fratstar. He was really nice and sweet and drove from out of town for our date. Again, I'd go out with him, too. But sidenote for my family members reading the blog, he owns a house in Reidsville. Hahaha. Again, how does this happen to me?!
So that's the rundown so far. Again, no real trainwrecks, so no need for major blog entries. I have a date scheduled for Wednesday with Brandon the surfer, and some other guys are coming down the eharmony pipeline.... so stay tuned!
W
First there was CPA. CPA was an accountant from Minnesota. So, it was kinda like going on a date with my dad (who is an accountant from Minnesota). Unfortunately, I also got the scoop on CPA from my friend Matt who works with one of CPA's exes. Turns out CPA only dates doctors and lawyers and has some commitment issues. He was a nice enough guy, our date was pretty vanilla, but it was not a trainwreck, so there isn't a whole lot to blog about.
Second, I went out with Matthew the Lawyer. Matthew is actually very good friends with a college friend, but he knows people I went to law school and also high school with. We had a good date, nothing super crazy. He did start in on the sex talk right away so that was a giant red flag. And then he brought up that he had a nickname for his ahem, privates. And he went into graphic detail about why it was called what it was called. Thanks, buddy, but you might want to leave something for the second date? Anyway, he bailed on me for date two, so I don't think I'll be seeing much of him again. Being a lawyer was his first strike anyway.
Next was Sergio the Mexican. We had a good date as well, but Sergio is not even kidding, leaving for a long trip to China. And then he is interning with Dell in Austin all summer. Seriously, I cannot make this crap up. (For those of you out of the loop, Sam's Club had another girlfriend in China, and sent me to house hunt in Austin- where he was going to take a job at Dell- so he could play house in Raleigh with her). But Sergio and I had a lot in common, especially a love for travel. Plus he has that Latin accent which is kind of hot. And he also speaks German. So I can talk to him in English or German, but don't understand a word of his native Spanish. Sigh.
Tonight I went out with Brett the Banker. He is super fratty, which, I find attractive. He wore seersucker shorts on our date. The DAY after Easter. Holy fratstar. He was really nice and sweet and drove from out of town for our date. Again, I'd go out with him, too. But sidenote for my family members reading the blog, he owns a house in Reidsville. Hahaha. Again, how does this happen to me?!
So that's the rundown so far. Again, no real trainwrecks, so no need for major blog entries. I have a date scheduled for Wednesday with Brandon the surfer, and some other guys are coming down the eharmony pipeline.... so stay tuned!
W
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Dear Baby Daddy,
You were one of my first eharmony matches. You were decent looking, but you had a kid, so I wasn't really into you. But A said I couldn't be picky like normal and still get 28 dates. So A and I compromised and said I wouldn't begin conversations with you, but if you did and asked me out, I would go.
So you did. And you seemed decent enough. Eventually I gave you my email. My first gchat from you was "vaghina." Seriously. You apologized profusely the next day, so I put you in the lunch time creeper date category.
We work nearby so I figured I could easily use you for a lunch date. We gchatted during work hours. Turns out your kid lives with you half the time. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're there for your kid. But if your kid lives with you at least fifty percent of the time, perhaps you should mention that in your profile. You know, the part where you said that you had no children living in your home.
So, we're chitchatting. You are telling me about your dating life. Your year of dating. Then we talk about your kid, etc. And on a whim, I ask if you are still married.
DING DING DING! I win the prize. You actually say "well, i'm 10 months into North Carolina's 12 month separation requirement." Yes, I know about the requirement. I am licensed to practice here, remember?
But the state of North Carolina recognizes you as still married. Therefore, I still recognize you as still married. Therefore, you are not going to be able to even take me on a lunch date. I may be a lot of things, but I am not a homewrecker. Perhaps, instead of trolling the internet looking for dates, you might spend this time trying to put the pieces of your family back together. Or, at the very least help your son through this difficult time.
Seriously? A married guy? No way.
-W
So you did. And you seemed decent enough. Eventually I gave you my email. My first gchat from you was "vaghina." Seriously. You apologized profusely the next day, so I put you in the lunch time creeper date category.
We work nearby so I figured I could easily use you for a lunch date. We gchatted during work hours. Turns out your kid lives with you half the time. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're there for your kid. But if your kid lives with you at least fifty percent of the time, perhaps you should mention that in your profile. You know, the part where you said that you had no children living in your home.
So, we're chitchatting. You are telling me about your dating life. Your year of dating. Then we talk about your kid, etc. And on a whim, I ask if you are still married.
DING DING DING! I win the prize. You actually say "well, i'm 10 months into North Carolina's 12 month separation requirement." Yes, I know about the requirement. I am licensed to practice here, remember?
But the state of North Carolina recognizes you as still married. Therefore, I still recognize you as still married. Therefore, you are not going to be able to even take me on a lunch date. I may be a lot of things, but I am not a homewrecker. Perhaps, instead of trolling the internet looking for dates, you might spend this time trying to put the pieces of your family back together. Or, at the very least help your son through this difficult time.
Seriously? A married guy? No way.
-W
Friday, April 22, 2011
Happy Easter Plan B!
So today I joined my sister at our church's Good Friday service. Nothing makes communion more awkward than standing in line with Plan B and making eye contact. Awkward. Very Awkward considering the last I heard from him he was in a strip club.
Happy Easter Y'all!
Wendy
Happy Easter Y'all!
Wendy
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Dear Greg/Craig,
An oldie but a goodie from Summer 2007:
Here is an email I sent to explain my 5:45 am phone call to H:
We were in route home from the sheraton. The sheraton where I am never
sober. Yeah...
So that night (thursday) one of my sorority sisters had her birthday
party. I was gonna make an appearance. So a coworker, C, and I
decided to go to the party. We were at work, leaving and I was like
well i need to get the boy (Sam's club) a bday present (his party was last
night... incidentally, I got him a Bible. It obviously didn't take) and so we go to the mall. It is getting late so we decide to buy outfits there and get our makeup done there so we can just leave
for the party straight from the mall.
Step One: have a few drinks at bogarts, but I'm driving so I pace
myself to about one per hour. So far, so good.
Step Two: get handed 3 doubles in 10 minutes... get drunk fast...
challenge birthday girl to a makeout contest. Typical.
Step Three: smile at hot guy across the room. he comes over. he says
his name is greg. I hear craig. Tells me he is 30 (Really 34).
Makeout with him. If this isn't the story of my life, I don't know what is.
Step Four: Go to another bar. On the way in the birthday girl is making out with
some dude who is a chippendale dancer. You cannot make this stuff up. He was really hot. He stops
kissing A and makes out with me on the way out the door. This is
in front of greg/craig. Sorry for partying.
Step Five: Take the party back to greg/craig's room at the sheraton to sober up.
Step Six: Make out all night with greg/craig til 5am. All we did is kiss, folks. A, C, and C's new boy toy were all in the room.
Step Seven: Realize at 5:30 am that I have to be at work in 3 hours.
Step Eight: Wake everyone up. Ask greg/craig what his real name is.
It's greg after all. My bad. Also discover that the co-worker, who is engaged to another guy at this time, has about 12 hickies all over her neck. Lordy.
Step Nine: Call H and tell her my mojo is back. At roughly 5:45am.
Step Ten: On the way out of the Sheraton, notice that the Today show has already started filming their summer good morning series. Do the walk of shame/stride of pride past the Today show, airing live from Raleigh. My daddy would be so proud...
Step Eleven: Arrive at work after zero sleep, but a shower and clean clothes. Enter work with C. With our sunglasses still on. One of us actually walks into a wall.
Step Twelve: Recover enough to drink at Sam's Club's Birthday party that night. What can I say? I'm a trooper!
-W
Here is an email I sent to explain my 5:45 am phone call to H:
We were in route home from the sheraton. The sheraton where I am never
sober. Yeah...
So that night (thursday) one of my sorority sisters had her birthday
party. I was gonna make an appearance. So a coworker, C, and I
decided to go to the party. We were at work, leaving and I was like
well i need to get the boy (Sam's club) a bday present (his party was last
night... incidentally, I got him a Bible. It obviously didn't take) and so we go to the mall. It is getting late so we decide to buy outfits there and get our makeup done there so we can just leave
for the party straight from the mall.
Step One: have a few drinks at bogarts, but I'm driving so I pace
myself to about one per hour. So far, so good.
Step Two: get handed 3 doubles in 10 minutes... get drunk fast...
challenge birthday girl to a makeout contest. Typical.
Step Three: smile at hot guy across the room. he comes over. he says
his name is greg. I hear craig. Tells me he is 30 (Really 34).
Makeout with him. If this isn't the story of my life, I don't know what is.
Step Four: Go to another bar. On the way in the birthday girl is making out with
some dude who is a chippendale dancer. You cannot make this stuff up. He was really hot. He stops
kissing A and makes out with me on the way out the door. This is
in front of greg/craig. Sorry for partying.
Step Five: Take the party back to greg/craig's room at the sheraton to sober up.
Step Six: Make out all night with greg/craig til 5am. All we did is kiss, folks. A, C, and C's new boy toy were all in the room.
Step Seven: Realize at 5:30 am that I have to be at work in 3 hours.
Step Eight: Wake everyone up. Ask greg/craig what his real name is.
It's greg after all. My bad. Also discover that the co-worker, who is engaged to another guy at this time, has about 12 hickies all over her neck. Lordy.
Step Nine: Call H and tell her my mojo is back. At roughly 5:45am.
Step Ten: On the way out of the Sheraton, notice that the Today show has already started filming their summer good morning series. Do the walk of shame/stride of pride past the Today show, airing live from Raleigh. My daddy would be so proud...
Step Eleven: Arrive at work after zero sleep, but a shower and clean clothes. Enter work with C. With our sunglasses still on. One of us actually walks into a wall.
Step Twelve: Recover enough to drink at Sam's Club's Birthday party that night. What can I say? I'm a trooper!
-W
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Dear Choir Boy,
You were cute enough on eharmony. You also work at a church, which is kinda hot. What isn't so hot? Your Bi-Polar personality.
I gave you my digits via email. The next day I got a "Good morning beautiful" via text at 8am. Smooth on the texting, you were. Right up until you texted me that you are living with your mother, albeit temporarily. Seriously, who does that?!?
But when you wanted to set up a date, I requested you actually call me to set it up. It was the worst 10 minute conversation ever.
You said uh, um, and sat there in silence too many times to count. Every conversation avenue I tried, you squashed with your complete inability to carry on a conversation. You mentioned how much you make (which wasn't impressive). You were perhaps one of the most awkward people on the phone I've ever met. Somehow you manage to ask me out for the weekend. The only time slot I have available is Sunday after church for lunch. I think you agree, but I'm not really sure.
Saturday rolls around, and you texted me, but about having a nice day. Saturday night got out of hand with A's birthday party and all. I was a bit hungover Sunday morning, so when I hadn't heard from you by 11am, I made other plans.
Around 2pm I got no less than 3 emails from you saying that you accidentally deleted my phone number on Saturday night, and would I still like to do something. These emails were sent via eharmony, your work email, and your student email. Eharmony has my phone number. As does the footer in my reply gmails. If you had really forgotten my number or deleted it or whatever, you could have easily found it.
I sent an email back saying that sorry, I had plans for the rest of the day (which was true) and maybe another time (read: not in this lifetime). No response from you.
I didn't hear from you, but then low and behold Tuesday morning you ask me via text if I'm having a good week. I reply "yes and you?" You send a text back with something about your work. It was a statement about having lots of services because of Easter week. Nothing conversational about it. So I don't reply.
When I get home and check my eharmony messages I have one from you that states:
I am assuming from your lack of interest that you are not interested. I am getting off eharmony. I wish you all the best and go pack.
Weird, I thought, since he is the one that technically stood me up. I didn't respond because I had to get to Bible study. But I assumed, again, that since he had written me the goodbye eharmony note, it was a closed deal.
But then today, you text and say "want to grab dinner or lunch this week?"
Seriously, wtf. No.
-W
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Dear Red Shirt,
Dear Last Night's Date,
I will always pick my girl friends over you especially if they sound like they are going to have way more fun than I will on a date with you. See it was nice that you called me and planned to take me dinner and a movie (how cliche). However, it was your unlucky day. The night before W and I had met some very lovely canadians that bought us drinks and were a lot of fun. They then invited us out with them the next night (ie. they needed arm candy and would buy us drinks in return).
So red shirt when you picked me up from my apartment wearing the exact same thing I met you in a week or so prior I already had a hidden agenda if the date went south. And, oh, did the date go south. You take me to a Brazilian steakhouse; yes I do like to eat a lot however on a first date I don't want to come off as an animal. You will end up spending a lot of money and I will probably not eat your money's worth. Secondly, I proceeded to order a glass of wine you proceeded to order well water. If a girl orders a cocktail the polite thing to do is to order one as well; you are a guy I know you consume alcohol. At this point I knew this date was going to be a blast. Conversation was minimal you talked about your business ventures and your house never asking me about me.
When I went to the ladies room I immediately texted W to call me and say she was stranded and needed to be picked up or something all those lines in approximately 10 mins. At this point Red Shirt and I were in the car and was suggesting movies to see when W called. I immediately did the "oh really, I will be there". Explaining the red shirt that I must attend to my friend who is stranded. I do praise you Red Shirt that you did not ask questions and proceeded to take me home and suggest we hang out again. You then tried to kiss me, I let you kiss me on the cheek of course because I am a lady and was not intoxicated.
What happens next? Well I picked up W and then picked up A and A (I believe) and out with the Canadians.
-P
So, we met up with the hockey team, I forget how. But we went to the Long Branch, a really sketchy bar in Raleigh. The Canadians were highly amused. We talked and flirted and taught them some country songs. And then, lucky them, we took them for late night food at cookout. Clearly, it was the highlight of their trip.
After the bar, my feet hurt, of course. So Mario and his brother had to carry P and I up 4 flights of stairs to her apartment. It was hilarious. So, being really late in the evening, P and her guy went to bed. And Mario and I took over her couches.
Mario talked my ear off til 5 in the morning. I was so tired. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. So finally, I told Mario he could either kiss me then or I was going to sleep. So we kissed, and then I promptly went right to sleep.
But the funniest part of this story is that P has a thing for athletes. Any athlete. So while P's boy had implied he was a hockey player with the team, Mario, his half brother, came forward with the truth. P's boy was a chef, not a hockey player at all. The look on P's face when she heard was hilarious. But, I was just sad that we didn't know this sooner, because we could have all used a gourmet breakfast.
We all overslept, and had to drop the boys off at their hotel the next morning. Since the boys were late, the bus, and the entire hockey team was waiting for them when we pulled up. They got a round of applause. Hilarious.
Mario still chats with me from time to time, despite being married with children these days. Creeper. (albeit a hot one)
-W
I will always pick my girl friends over you especially if they sound like they are going to have way more fun than I will on a date with you. See it was nice that you called me and planned to take me dinner and a movie (how cliche). However, it was your unlucky day. The night before W and I had met some very lovely canadians that bought us drinks and were a lot of fun. They then invited us out with them the next night (ie. they needed arm candy and would buy us drinks in return).
So red shirt when you picked me up from my apartment wearing the exact same thing I met you in a week or so prior I already had a hidden agenda if the date went south. And, oh, did the date go south. You take me to a Brazilian steakhouse; yes I do like to eat a lot however on a first date I don't want to come off as an animal. You will end up spending a lot of money and I will probably not eat your money's worth. Secondly, I proceeded to order a glass of wine you proceeded to order well water. If a girl orders a cocktail the polite thing to do is to order one as well; you are a guy I know you consume alcohol. At this point I knew this date was going to be a blast. Conversation was minimal you talked about your business ventures and your house never asking me about me.
When I went to the ladies room I immediately texted W to call me and say she was stranded and needed to be picked up or something all those lines in approximately 10 mins. At this point Red Shirt and I were in the car and was suggesting movies to see when W called. I immediately did the "oh really, I will be there". Explaining the red shirt that I must attend to my friend who is stranded. I do praise you Red Shirt that you did not ask questions and proceeded to take me home and suggest we hang out again. You then tried to kiss me, I let you kiss me on the cheek of course because I am a lady and was not intoxicated.
What happens next? Well I picked up W and then picked up A and A (I believe) and out with the Canadians.
-P
So, we met up with the hockey team, I forget how. But we went to the Long Branch, a really sketchy bar in Raleigh. The Canadians were highly amused. We talked and flirted and taught them some country songs. And then, lucky them, we took them for late night food at cookout. Clearly, it was the highlight of their trip.
After the bar, my feet hurt, of course. So Mario and his brother had to carry P and I up 4 flights of stairs to her apartment. It was hilarious. So, being really late in the evening, P and her guy went to bed. And Mario and I took over her couches.
Mario talked my ear off til 5 in the morning. I was so tired. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. So finally, I told Mario he could either kiss me then or I was going to sleep. So we kissed, and then I promptly went right to sleep.
But the funniest part of this story is that P has a thing for athletes. Any athlete. So while P's boy had implied he was a hockey player with the team, Mario, his half brother, came forward with the truth. P's boy was a chef, not a hockey player at all. The look on P's face when she heard was hilarious. But, I was just sad that we didn't know this sooner, because we could have all used a gourmet breakfast.
We all overslept, and had to drop the boys off at their hotel the next morning. Since the boys were late, the bus, and the entire hockey team was waiting for them when we pulled up. They got a round of applause. Hilarious.
Mario still chats with me from time to time, despite being married with children these days. Creeper. (albeit a hot one)
-W
Monday, April 18, 2011
Dear Mario the Canadian,
When I walked into Red Room with my friend, P, I immediately noticed you. You were by far the hottest guy in the room. And yet there you sat, in a candlelit booth with 3 other big dudes. No girls were approaching your table and you were not approaching any girls.
So, I assumed you all were gay and on a double date. I mean, who am I to judge? So P and I got our flirt on with the other guys in the bar, who were in love with us and wanted to buy us drinks too. I mean, who wouldn't right? And finally, you grew a pair and approached us. With some sort of pick up line and invited us to come talk to your table. Since I had already marked you as my potential for the evening, we obliged.
Turns out you boys were some Canadian hockey players in town for a tournament. Ever the tactful person, I blurted out "but we thought you were gay!" Haha. Too funny. We flirted like crazy and exchanged numbers and realized that the next day we would all be attending the NC State basketball game and then the Hurricanes Hockey Game. Unfortunately, I was attending the basketball game with my Daddy and sister and stepmom. However, I did manage to sneak away to y'alls suite for one of the periods and we all got our pictures taken with Mr. Wuf. How awesome. P and I, in a suite full of 30 Canadian hockey players. Haha.
We met up again at the hockey game, but only for a few minutes, because P had scored us better seats than yours. You guys wanted to go out, but P had a date that night with another boy...
And P's date with that boy will serve as tomorrow's guest blog entry.
so to be continued...
-W
So, I assumed you all were gay and on a double date. I mean, who am I to judge? So P and I got our flirt on with the other guys in the bar, who were in love with us and wanted to buy us drinks too. I mean, who wouldn't right? And finally, you grew a pair and approached us. With some sort of pick up line and invited us to come talk to your table. Since I had already marked you as my potential for the evening, we obliged.
Turns out you boys were some Canadian hockey players in town for a tournament. Ever the tactful person, I blurted out "but we thought you were gay!" Haha. Too funny. We flirted like crazy and exchanged numbers and realized that the next day we would all be attending the NC State basketball game and then the Hurricanes Hockey Game. Unfortunately, I was attending the basketball game with my Daddy and sister and stepmom. However, I did manage to sneak away to y'alls suite for one of the periods and we all got our pictures taken with Mr. Wuf. How awesome. P and I, in a suite full of 30 Canadian hockey players. Haha.
We met up again at the hockey game, but only for a few minutes, because P had scored us better seats than yours. You guys wanted to go out, but P had a date that night with another boy...
And P's date with that boy will serve as tomorrow's guest blog entry.
so to be continued...
-W
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Dear Rico Suave,
Dear Rico Suave,
I met you at the country club; I was working as the Summer camp counselor, while you worked in the kitchen at the pool. Every day either myself or my co-counselor had to deliver the kids (and our own) lunch orders to you. You always made comments that made me feel slightly uncomfortable, like telling me how good I look, or that I am sexy. Slightly uncomfortable, but no big deal, whatev.
One day, during this encounter, you asked for my number. You caught me off guard, and knowing that (a) you would have access to my lunch daily, and (b) that the other people we worked with knew I was single, I didn't have a prepared lie, and felt like I had to comply. Thus ensued the stalking. You called me when I was at work, you called me when I was not at work. I ignored your calls. Is that not a sign that I didn't want to talk to you? Creeper. You tried a different approach: calling me from a restricted number. It works, I answered. Damn it. You asked to go out with me; I came up with some lame excuse to get out of it, and quickly got off the phone with you.
The next week, you send your friend up to were I was working (whom I had mutual friends in common with) to ask if we could hang out in a group, and your friend implies that you are interested in me. No shit. I hadn't noticed. I declined. From here on out, I started avoiding you. I make my co-counselor for the kids camp put in our lunch orders, and retrieve the food from you in the kitchen at the pool. I was avoiding you, and hoping you wouldn't know which lunch was mine. I could do without spit in my salad dressing. I guess you still didn't get the hint because you called me while I was at the pool with the kids during work. I know you could see me at the pool. So very smooth Rico. And I know, you were in the kitchen watching me look at my phone and see your number pop up on caller ID. Shit. Now I have to answer. I answer your phone call, but I couldn't hear anything. Maybe you were just testing me to see if I would answer your call, or maybe you didn't have good reception so I couldn't hear what you were saying. Either way, I was glad I didn't actually have to talk to you.
After I had stopped picking up our lunch orders, you start hitting on my co-counselor. There was one day I remember in particular where my co-counselor went to pick up our lunch orders and you told her that you were jealous of the little boy who had been sitting on her lap. Umm, gross. You continued to call me from restricted numbers leaving messages. My coworkers coined the nickname Rico Suave for you, because of your lack of finesse. And honestly, I never bothered to learn your real name.
After summer was over, I never had to see you again. However, I was confronted by managment at the country club and asked for a personal statement about your behavior. Apparently, my incident with you was not the only one that happened at the country club. You had gotten hold of a list of female staff phone numbers, and stalk dialed your way down the list. I also found out that you, at 23 years old, had a wife and 3 kids. You continued to call me intermitently, for 2 years from your number or a restricted number, occassionally leaving messages. Seriously dude, give up. That is why to this day I do not answer phone calls from numbers I dont recognize, restricted numbers, and I still have your number saved as "Rico DO NOT ANSWER".
M
I met you at the country club; I was working as the Summer camp counselor, while you worked in the kitchen at the pool. Every day either myself or my co-counselor had to deliver the kids (and our own) lunch orders to you. You always made comments that made me feel slightly uncomfortable, like telling me how good I look, or that I am sexy. Slightly uncomfortable, but no big deal, whatev.
One day, during this encounter, you asked for my number. You caught me off guard, and knowing that (a) you would have access to my lunch daily, and (b) that the other people we worked with knew I was single, I didn't have a prepared lie, and felt like I had to comply. Thus ensued the stalking. You called me when I was at work, you called me when I was not at work. I ignored your calls. Is that not a sign that I didn't want to talk to you? Creeper. You tried a different approach: calling me from a restricted number. It works, I answered. Damn it. You asked to go out with me; I came up with some lame excuse to get out of it, and quickly got off the phone with you.
The next week, you send your friend up to were I was working (whom I had mutual friends in common with) to ask if we could hang out in a group, and your friend implies that you are interested in me. No shit. I hadn't noticed. I declined. From here on out, I started avoiding you. I make my co-counselor for the kids camp put in our lunch orders, and retrieve the food from you in the kitchen at the pool. I was avoiding you, and hoping you wouldn't know which lunch was mine. I could do without spit in my salad dressing. I guess you still didn't get the hint because you called me while I was at the pool with the kids during work. I know you could see me at the pool. So very smooth Rico. And I know, you were in the kitchen watching me look at my phone and see your number pop up on caller ID. Shit. Now I have to answer. I answer your phone call, but I couldn't hear anything. Maybe you were just testing me to see if I would answer your call, or maybe you didn't have good reception so I couldn't hear what you were saying. Either way, I was glad I didn't actually have to talk to you.
After I had stopped picking up our lunch orders, you start hitting on my co-counselor. There was one day I remember in particular where my co-counselor went to pick up our lunch orders and you told her that you were jealous of the little boy who had been sitting on her lap. Umm, gross. You continued to call me from restricted numbers leaving messages. My coworkers coined the nickname Rico Suave for you, because of your lack of finesse. And honestly, I never bothered to learn your real name.
After summer was over, I never had to see you again. However, I was confronted by managment at the country club and asked for a personal statement about your behavior. Apparently, my incident with you was not the only one that happened at the country club. You had gotten hold of a list of female staff phone numbers, and stalk dialed your way down the list. I also found out that you, at 23 years old, had a wife and 3 kids. You continued to call me intermitently, for 2 years from your number or a restricted number, occassionally leaving messages. Seriously dude, give up. That is why to this day I do not answer phone calls from numbers I dont recognize, restricted numbers, and I still have your number saved as "Rico DO NOT ANSWER".
M
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Dear Alan the Regular
So last night's date was nothing spectacular, and nothing crazy wild. It was what happened after the date with two other guys that made last night's date seem like a dream date.
First, I had Alan The Regular texting me. He had wanted to go out this weekend, but I've got plans out the ying yang. So, I said how about next week and told him I could be free on Monday night or Wednesday night. This is the text conversation that followed:
A: Wednesday will work. What time works for you?
W: 7:30
A: What time do you eat dinner on a normal night? [seriously, wtf does he care. he asked what time i'd be free. i said 7:30. that's normal. its not like i said 9:30pm]
W: Um sometimes I skip or eat very late or very early. I don't have a set time.
A: Haha. I don't miss meals. [yes, I'm aware based on some of your pictures]. Usually eat at 6. lol. [did i ask you what time you eat? no. do I care? no. this is a first date, perhaps you'd like to take me on a date, or perhaps you would like to dine alone at 6.]
W: I'm generally still at work then. haha. [as is most of America, you fool]
A: I see that. lol. I have a conference call at 8:30 on wed. [then why did you agree to wed.?!?!]
and then it gets weirder...
A: Actually I just signed up for a 30 day teleconference course starting tomorrow. It is on releasing which is like meditation.
It was at this point that I started to think that Eharmony is punking me. Seriously, meditation from the guy who has to eat at 6pm.
W: Interesting.
A: It is. It's great stuff. [apparently my text message did not convey my sarcasm as much as I would have hoped. what I actually meant my interesting was "you are a freak. I don't know what freaks me out more, that you signed yourself up for a class for 30 days worth of conference calls, that you have so much free time that you can do 30 days worth of conference calls, or the fact that it is on some bullshit called releasing.]
W: Why do you need to meditate? [what the hell is wrong with you?]
A: Its a great way to let go of stress and achieve goals in life.
Dear Alan, another great way to let go of stress is to live on the wild side and eat dinner at 5pm or even 8pm. You might also socializing with the rest of society for 30 straight days. Maybe then you wouldn't come across as a complete nutjob.
Further, I assume you paid money for this class to help you achieve your goals. Sitting at home alone is really going to help you go far in life. See, the people who actually achieve something in life actually do stuff. They don't sit around meditating about it.
So meditate on this Alan, I need dates, but not bad enough to suffer through an hour of you droning on and on about releasing. Nor do I need a date bad enough to leave work early for you.
Best of luck, though and bless your heart.
W
First, I had Alan The Regular texting me. He had wanted to go out this weekend, but I've got plans out the ying yang. So, I said how about next week and told him I could be free on Monday night or Wednesday night. This is the text conversation that followed:
A: Wednesday will work. What time works for you?
W: 7:30
A: What time do you eat dinner on a normal night? [seriously, wtf does he care. he asked what time i'd be free. i said 7:30. that's normal. its not like i said 9:30pm]
W: Um sometimes I skip or eat very late or very early. I don't have a set time.
A: Haha. I don't miss meals. [yes, I'm aware based on some of your pictures]. Usually eat at 6. lol. [did i ask you what time you eat? no. do I care? no. this is a first date, perhaps you'd like to take me on a date, or perhaps you would like to dine alone at 6.]
W: I'm generally still at work then. haha. [as is most of America, you fool]
A: I see that. lol. I have a conference call at 8:30 on wed. [then why did you agree to wed.?!?!]
and then it gets weirder...
A: Actually I just signed up for a 30 day teleconference course starting tomorrow. It is on releasing which is like meditation.
It was at this point that I started to think that Eharmony is punking me. Seriously, meditation from the guy who has to eat at 6pm.
W: Interesting.
A: It is. It's great stuff. [apparently my text message did not convey my sarcasm as much as I would have hoped. what I actually meant my interesting was "you are a freak. I don't know what freaks me out more, that you signed yourself up for a class for 30 days worth of conference calls, that you have so much free time that you can do 30 days worth of conference calls, or the fact that it is on some bullshit called releasing.]
W: Why do you need to meditate? [what the hell is wrong with you?]
A: Its a great way to let go of stress and achieve goals in life.
Dear Alan, another great way to let go of stress is to live on the wild side and eat dinner at 5pm or even 8pm. You might also socializing with the rest of society for 30 straight days. Maybe then you wouldn't come across as a complete nutjob.
Further, I assume you paid money for this class to help you achieve your goals. Sitting at home alone is really going to help you go far in life. See, the people who actually achieve something in life actually do stuff. They don't sit around meditating about it.
So meditate on this Alan, I need dates, but not bad enough to suffer through an hour of you droning on and on about releasing. Nor do I need a date bad enough to leave work early for you.
Best of luck, though and bless your heart.
W
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Alls Fair in Love and Makeout Contests
another of H's best of moments... you didn't think we would only have one makeout competition in our lives, did you?
Nashville. Home of Country Music. Where Summer 2007 all started. I was in Nashville for work and I happened to be traveling with approximately 30 other coworkers-- all my age. Now, it is important for you to know that I work at a male dominated company. I work with few females and most of my friends are male. This is not a problem-- unless you're trying to make out at the bar. Somehow being surrounded by guys does not exactly send other guys running to talk to me. Therefore, I have employed some creative tactics to use my male friends in my favor. This is a complex maneuver but it can be pulled off. Read closely and learn, young grasshopper.
M is a coworker of mine. He's a funloving guy, down for whatever. He likes to make out at the bar too. Great. We challenge each other to a make out contest. Let's see who can make out with the most people in one night. The first bar we go into has Navy men IN UNIFORM all over the place. I look at M and tell him he's going down. Now, if you're familiar with Summer 2005 and me in general, you know I have a weak spot for the Navy boys. I don't know why but it is what it is.
I tell M that I have a great idea. I want to use him as my wingman and I have the perfect ploy-- M poses as my boyfriend. Ok, at this point you're probably confused. "I thought this was a makeout contest-- why would you want M posing as your boyfriend?" Stay with me here. I explain to M that he will pose as my boyfriend...my boyfriend who is into watching me make out with random dudes at the bar. You follow?
So I tell M to walk with me to get a drink and I'll pick out which Navy guy I want on the way. Once we get to the bar I have one picked out. He walks up to the bar shortly after and I approach him immediately (with M by my side). I introduce myself and M (as my boyfriend). I think his name was Joe, lets just go with that. Joe gives me a confused look as to why I came up to him. I explain that M is into watching me make out with random dudes at the bar, and I thought he was cute and wanted to know if he'd be into it.
Joe immediately says that he was "given specific instructions not to get into a fight tonight." I told him he had nothing to worry about because M was ok with it, as long as he was. So, of course, we make out. He was a pretty good kisser too (score). M eventually wanders off and Joe and I head to the dancefloor. Now don't forget that all my coworkers are at this bar with us, including my boss. I made sure that my boss didn't see me making out, I mean I do have a professional image to maintain! Joe and I proceed to grind on the dance floor as coworkers watch in amusement. See, they have always known me in a relationship and this is their first glimpse at "Single That Girl." Eventually our group decides to migrate to a new bar. Joe's friends were going somewhere different and neither of us wanted to leave our group. We parted ways.
Score:
That Girl - 1
M - 0
The next bar is where M earned a point. He made out with a bridesmaid at a bachelorette party. Cheap win, but he earned it. While at this second bar we met this chick. She was cool and hanging out with our group so we invite her to go onto the next bar with us.
Score:
That Girl - 1
M - 1
This was the final bar of the night. M & I are neck & neck in the competition. The chick from the previous bar is with us. At this point most of the other coworkers (including boss man) have headed back to the hotel. M is dancing with this girl we met and I call her over. I whisper to her that M & I are in a competition and he's going to try to make out with her to win. It was the end of the night and I probably wasn't going to get a chance to catch up. She agreed to not make out with him and continued to dance with him. M went in for the kiss and she dodged. He had a confused look on his face as she walked away and high fived me on the way out. M was pissed.
He ran to the upstairs part of the bar and instantly started dancing with the first chick he could find. I could tell M meant business and was going to make out with anything with a vagina. I saw a guy sitting at a table closeby and introduced myself. As we were talking he mentions that hes from Annapolis. I happen to know that the Naval Academy is in Annapolis. I ask him he happens to go to the Naval Academy. He says he used to. I'm not sure if I should believe him because he saw my eyes light up when he said Annapolis (again, the Navy thing). I told him that if he could prove that he went to the Naval Academy, I'd make out with him. He looked kind of surprised and began to dig through his wallet. He eventually came up with an id card. I shrugged my shoulders and kissed him. We started talking a little more and I noticed M looking at me. So in mid-conversation I make out with him again while maintaining eye contact with M, just so he knows I'm on #2.
A few minutes later the bar is closing. I say bye to the Navy dude and head out with M. He says he never made out with the chick on the dance floor.
Score:
That Girl - 2
M - 1
Yes, what I did was total and complete cockblocking. Especially considering how he was my wingman earlier in the night. But you know how it goes.. all is fair in love & make out contests!
H
Nashville. Home of Country Music. Where Summer 2007 all started. I was in Nashville for work and I happened to be traveling with approximately 30 other coworkers-- all my age. Now, it is important for you to know that I work at a male dominated company. I work with few females and most of my friends are male. This is not a problem-- unless you're trying to make out at the bar. Somehow being surrounded by guys does not exactly send other guys running to talk to me. Therefore, I have employed some creative tactics to use my male friends in my favor. This is a complex maneuver but it can be pulled off. Read closely and learn, young grasshopper.
M is a coworker of mine. He's a funloving guy, down for whatever. He likes to make out at the bar too. Great. We challenge each other to a make out contest. Let's see who can make out with the most people in one night. The first bar we go into has Navy men IN UNIFORM all over the place. I look at M and tell him he's going down. Now, if you're familiar with Summer 2005 and me in general, you know I have a weak spot for the Navy boys. I don't know why but it is what it is.
I tell M that I have a great idea. I want to use him as my wingman and I have the perfect ploy-- M poses as my boyfriend. Ok, at this point you're probably confused. "I thought this was a makeout contest-- why would you want M posing as your boyfriend?" Stay with me here. I explain to M that he will pose as my boyfriend...my boyfriend who is into watching me make out with random dudes at the bar. You follow?
So I tell M to walk with me to get a drink and I'll pick out which Navy guy I want on the way. Once we get to the bar I have one picked out. He walks up to the bar shortly after and I approach him immediately (with M by my side). I introduce myself and M (as my boyfriend). I think his name was Joe, lets just go with that. Joe gives me a confused look as to why I came up to him. I explain that M is into watching me make out with random dudes at the bar, and I thought he was cute and wanted to know if he'd be into it.
Joe immediately says that he was "given specific instructions not to get into a fight tonight." I told him he had nothing to worry about because M was ok with it, as long as he was. So, of course, we make out. He was a pretty good kisser too (score). M eventually wanders off and Joe and I head to the dancefloor. Now don't forget that all my coworkers are at this bar with us, including my boss. I made sure that my boss didn't see me making out, I mean I do have a professional image to maintain! Joe and I proceed to grind on the dance floor as coworkers watch in amusement. See, they have always known me in a relationship and this is their first glimpse at "Single That Girl." Eventually our group decides to migrate to a new bar. Joe's friends were going somewhere different and neither of us wanted to leave our group. We parted ways.
Score:
That Girl - 1
M - 0
The next bar is where M earned a point. He made out with a bridesmaid at a bachelorette party. Cheap win, but he earned it. While at this second bar we met this chick. She was cool and hanging out with our group so we invite her to go onto the next bar with us.
Score:
That Girl - 1
M - 1
This was the final bar of the night. M & I are neck & neck in the competition. The chick from the previous bar is with us. At this point most of the other coworkers (including boss man) have headed back to the hotel. M is dancing with this girl we met and I call her over. I whisper to her that M & I are in a competition and he's going to try to make out with her to win. It was the end of the night and I probably wasn't going to get a chance to catch up. She agreed to not make out with him and continued to dance with him. M went in for the kiss and she dodged. He had a confused look on his face as she walked away and high fived me on the way out. M was pissed.
He ran to the upstairs part of the bar and instantly started dancing with the first chick he could find. I could tell M meant business and was going to make out with anything with a vagina. I saw a guy sitting at a table closeby and introduced myself. As we were talking he mentions that hes from Annapolis. I happen to know that the Naval Academy is in Annapolis. I ask him he happens to go to the Naval Academy. He says he used to. I'm not sure if I should believe him because he saw my eyes light up when he said Annapolis (again, the Navy thing). I told him that if he could prove that he went to the Naval Academy, I'd make out with him. He looked kind of surprised and began to dig through his wallet. He eventually came up with an id card. I shrugged my shoulders and kissed him. We started talking a little more and I noticed M looking at me. So in mid-conversation I make out with him again while maintaining eye contact with M, just so he knows I'm on #2.
A few minutes later the bar is closing. I say bye to the Navy dude and head out with M. He says he never made out with the chick on the dance floor.
Score:
That Girl - 2
M - 1
Yes, what I did was total and complete cockblocking. Especially considering how he was my wingman earlier in the night. But you know how it goes.. all is fair in love & make out contests!
H
Monday, April 11, 2011
Dear Boyz In DC,
So, as you know, I headed up to DC this weekend to meet up with old friends.
Friday night:
- started drinking in Dupont with a guy I met on a plane two years ago. Kinda proves just how random my life really is. At some point we get separated from him and his friends. And a bouncer comes up and says to come with him. I honestly thought for a second we were about to get kicked out of the bar. Nope, he wants us to dance on the bar. Given the number of creepers being too touchy-feely on the dance floor, we happily obliged. After we get down, we had about 5 shots waiting for us. So we took them all (pretty sure that wasn't the smartest decision). And then, we decided we were over that bar and the creepers therein. So we left and went to the Big Hunt. There we met 3 guys. My particular dude was a radiology resident named Brian. Made out with him. And then we left and went back to P's apartment.
Saturday night:
- P and I go for dinner and drinks in Georgetown. Then we head back to Dupont to meet some of her friends out. It was the hottest and disgustingly crowded. P gets a text from the guy she met the night before. He says he is having a party at his house. We walk over to his place. His version of a party was him and some 12 year old with a white guy fro. Seriously. WTF. Steve, P's guy, introduces us to the 12 year old "This is W. She doesn't bang. And this is P. She bangs."
Holy shit. Who does that?!?! Apparently P had told him the night before about how I don't put out. I guess that is the only thing he could remember about me... Sad. So after awkwardly sitting there for a few minutes, we head to the bar with these two fools. Along the way P gets a text. Steve accidentally texted her instead of the 12 year old. His text said "nasty. lets ditch them and find new girls at the bar" so clearly I was ready to peace out. But no, P wanted to "confront him." So I let her do that while I stood there and stared longingly at the Krispy Kreme across the street. 12 year old bought me a beer. Thanks for asking me what I wanted, dude. I don't drink beer. So I put a koozie on it and sat it on the counter. And then I spotted a GUY with a koozie. No shit. And he sees me pointing at him.
So I talk to Koozie (real name Brian) and his friends Mike and Matt. And these three amigos did some crazy ninja wingman moves that I had never seen before. Seriously, they had a system whereby each of them would be left alone with me for a few minutes, to try and get me to come home with them. To Maryland. You cannot make this up. After I declined all three, it was about time to go.
But then Nick and Vick approached me. Nick is a doctor from New Orleans in DC for a conference. And he had quite possibly the best wingman of all time in Vick. Vick actively encouraged Nick, talked up his friend, got my number, the works. But alas, closing time occurred way too soon, so it was time to leave.
I had hurt my ankle last weekend so I was wearing an ankle brace and high heels. So Nick, being the gentleman he was, offered to carry me all the way to our car. Word. He was a really really nice guy. And very cute. Vick carried my bag and whined way more about how heavy it was. But seriously, Nick and Vick, two great guys. In fact, they were the ONLY guys who didn't inappropriately touch or ask me to go home with them during the entire trip. They invited us out for late night food, but P had a booty call to get to, so we left them and headed home.
And the quote of the weekend goes to Steve who was apparently miffed that I was not into the 12 year old. Steve told P "I have never seen anyone get hit on as much as your friend." Sorry for partying, Steve.
-W.
Friday night:
- started drinking in Dupont with a guy I met on a plane two years ago. Kinda proves just how random my life really is. At some point we get separated from him and his friends. And a bouncer comes up and says to come with him. I honestly thought for a second we were about to get kicked out of the bar. Nope, he wants us to dance on the bar. Given the number of creepers being too touchy-feely on the dance floor, we happily obliged. After we get down, we had about 5 shots waiting for us. So we took them all (pretty sure that wasn't the smartest decision). And then, we decided we were over that bar and the creepers therein. So we left and went to the Big Hunt. There we met 3 guys. My particular dude was a radiology resident named Brian. Made out with him. And then we left and went back to P's apartment.
 |
| Dr. Brian |
- P and I go for dinner and drinks in Georgetown. Then we head back to Dupont to meet some of her friends out. It was the hottest and disgustingly crowded. P gets a text from the guy she met the night before. He says he is having a party at his house. We walk over to his place. His version of a party was him and some 12 year old with a white guy fro. Seriously. WTF. Steve, P's guy, introduces us to the 12 year old "This is W. She doesn't bang. And this is P. She bangs."
Holy shit. Who does that?!?! Apparently P had told him the night before about how I don't put out. I guess that is the only thing he could remember about me... Sad. So after awkwardly sitting there for a few minutes, we head to the bar with these two fools. Along the way P gets a text. Steve accidentally texted her instead of the 12 year old. His text said "nasty. lets ditch them and find new girls at the bar" so clearly I was ready to peace out. But no, P wanted to "confront him." So I let her do that while I stood there and stared longingly at the Krispy Kreme across the street. 12 year old bought me a beer. Thanks for asking me what I wanted, dude. I don't drink beer. So I put a koozie on it and sat it on the counter. And then I spotted a GUY with a koozie. No shit. And he sees me pointing at him.
So I talk to Koozie (real name Brian) and his friends Mike and Matt. And these three amigos did some crazy ninja wingman moves that I had never seen before. Seriously, they had a system whereby each of them would be left alone with me for a few minutes, to try and get me to come home with them. To Maryland. You cannot make this up. After I declined all three, it was about time to go.
But then Nick and Vick approached me. Nick is a doctor from New Orleans in DC for a conference. And he had quite possibly the best wingman of all time in Vick. Vick actively encouraged Nick, talked up his friend, got my number, the works. But alas, closing time occurred way too soon, so it was time to leave.
I had hurt my ankle last weekend so I was wearing an ankle brace and high heels. So Nick, being the gentleman he was, offered to carry me all the way to our car. Word. He was a really really nice guy. And very cute. Vick carried my bag and whined way more about how heavy it was. But seriously, Nick and Vick, two great guys. In fact, they were the ONLY guys who didn't inappropriately touch or ask me to go home with them during the entire trip. They invited us out for late night food, but P had a booty call to get to, so we left them and headed home.
And the quote of the weekend goes to Steve who was apparently miffed that I was not into the 12 year old. Steve told P "I have never seen anyone get hit on as much as your friend." Sorry for partying, Steve.
-W.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Dear Chad the Spaz (or the two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity),
28 before 28 updates:
- So I joined eharmony to get my numbers up. So I am currently exhausted from chitchatting with roughly 30 guys. Seriously, this is like speed dating on crack. But one of them, CPA, has a best friend that works at the law firm I used to work out. So i asked a friend who still works there to do some recon. Wow. He got some good info, but his source totally ratted me out. CPA totally called me on my recon work on our first phone call. Lovely.
- Plan b texted me last night and asked me to guess where he was at that moment. At roughly midnight. I said the drive through. He answers "capital caberet. saving souls." WTF. Why would any guy ever tell any girl he was at a strip club? Seriously. That's insane. I wasn't even sure how to respond to that. There is a reason you are 35 and single, my friend, and telling girls that you frequent strip clubs is one of those reasons.
There really needs to be a guidebook on how to handle these freaks...
From summer 2007, a guest entry from H:
I just got off the phone with Chad the Spaz and he has already made such an impression that I am breaking tradition here and I'm going to write about someone I haven't even met yet. Chad the Spaz and I have been communicating for awhile now. We have tried twice to get together and neither time worked. He always calls me at the most random times (9am?!!? and 2pm??! wtf). Most recently, I was supposed to meet Chad the Spaz for coffee or drinks or something downtown. Well, I had gone out the night before and was seriously hung over. I literally texted him and cancelled from the couch between throwing up and napping. We were supposed to meet at 6pm-- I was that hungover.
So Chad the Spaz calls me a couple days ago and I call him back tonight, he says he's getting to his hotel, can he call me on his way to dinner? Sure no problem. So he calls me back about an hour later and he's AT dinner (with people I am guessing, I think he's on vacation for the holiday weekend). So he proceeds to start talking politics with me. He sounds like he's eating while he's talking. Mind you, the restaurant is pretty loud too. So he's going on and on about the tax rate going to 66% and blah blah blah. He asks how I feel about politics. I tell him I vote but I am not interested in politics. He tells me that if the tax rate goes to 66% I'd probably get interested. My response was that I didn't think my personal interest in politics would have any impact on tax rates...
So I'm letting him go on and on about Katrina and how much money he donated and how he thinks the houses need to be rebuilt on stilts above sea level blah blah blah. I mean, don't get me wrong. I am not opposed to these conversations in general. But homeboy and I have never met and futhermore, I told him I was not interested in the topic AND he's at dinner with people while eating and talking to me.
I think I'm going to go out with him for the entertainment value. To be sure it will be great blog material...
A few weeks later this happens:
And then Mystery Solved:
- So I joined eharmony to get my numbers up. So I am currently exhausted from chitchatting with roughly 30 guys. Seriously, this is like speed dating on crack. But one of them, CPA, has a best friend that works at the law firm I used to work out. So i asked a friend who still works there to do some recon. Wow. He got some good info, but his source totally ratted me out. CPA totally called me on my recon work on our first phone call. Lovely.
- Plan b texted me last night and asked me to guess where he was at that moment. At roughly midnight. I said the drive through. He answers "capital caberet. saving souls." WTF. Why would any guy ever tell any girl he was at a strip club? Seriously. That's insane. I wasn't even sure how to respond to that. There is a reason you are 35 and single, my friend, and telling girls that you frequent strip clubs is one of those reasons.
There really needs to be a guidebook on how to handle these freaks...
From summer 2007, a guest entry from H:
I just got off the phone with Chad the Spaz and he has already made such an impression that I am breaking tradition here and I'm going to write about someone I haven't even met yet. Chad the Spaz and I have been communicating for awhile now. We have tried twice to get together and neither time worked. He always calls me at the most random times (9am?!!? and 2pm??! wtf). Most recently, I was supposed to meet Chad the Spaz for coffee or drinks or something downtown. Well, I had gone out the night before and was seriously hung over. I literally texted him and cancelled from the couch between throwing up and napping. We were supposed to meet at 6pm-- I was that hungover.
So Chad the Spaz calls me a couple days ago and I call him back tonight, he says he's getting to his hotel, can he call me on his way to dinner? Sure no problem. So he calls me back about an hour later and he's AT dinner (with people I am guessing, I think he's on vacation for the holiday weekend). So he proceeds to start talking politics with me. He sounds like he's eating while he's talking. Mind you, the restaurant is pretty loud too. So he's going on and on about the tax rate going to 66% and blah blah blah. He asks how I feel about politics. I tell him I vote but I am not interested in politics. He tells me that if the tax rate goes to 66% I'd probably get interested. My response was that I didn't think my personal interest in politics would have any impact on tax rates...
So I'm letting him go on and on about Katrina and how much money he donated and how he thinks the houses need to be rebuilt on stilts above sea level blah blah blah. I mean, don't get me wrong. I am not opposed to these conversations in general. But homeboy and I have never met and futhermore, I told him I was not interested in the topic AND he's at dinner with people while eating and talking to me.
I think I'm going to go out with him for the entertainment value. To be sure it will be great blog material...
A few weeks later this happens:
I just received a picture text from an area code in my city. It was a candid picture of someone's penis. What is wrong with people? There are only a few people I've met from match that I ended up deleting their number. The more unpredictable ones, I left in there so I knew to ignore their calls if they ever did call. And now this?? I'm trying to get pictures of the texts taken but nothing seems to be working. I'll be happy to post the pictures when I get it figured out but in the meantime here is how the exchange went down. I also googled laws on text harassment and since he sent an obscene picture and made a lewd comment, I could legitimately file a police report. I think I got rid of him, especially after I had my friend call the harasser from his Skype to tell him to leave me alone or I'm filing a police report. The harasser knew my name so I'm definitely the intended target. I may file a report just in case. Motherfuckers better get to steppin!
Initial text: a candid picture of a penis in a man's hand, obviously taken with the camera phone
Me: who is this?
Creeper: watever
Me: i think you have the wrong person
Creeper: Nope!
Creeper: [My name]
Me: so why won't you tell me who you are? you already showed me what i assume is your penis. im not sure why you did that
Creeper: cuz ur being a a brat. it wud hav ben beter n u
Me: haha. this has to be a prank. good job, you made me laugh!
Creeper: good. i must admit if i wer a girl and a fun handsom guy sent me a pic id wish i got.... Nsted!! [wtf does this even mean?!?!]
Me: try spelling correctly next time. sorry if i broke your heart or something but judging by these texts, i'm glad i forgot you. good luck.
After that went down is when I asked my male friend to call and see if we could get something off the voicemail but it was automated. That's when he left the message about the police report. Hopefully this is the end of it...
Figured out the camera situation! Left the initial picture text of the penis out because I know some of you read this at work. Will be happy to share with you off the blog.
And then Mystery Solved:
The mystery penis picture texter has come forward. I never thought this day would come. In fact, I am shocked that he came forward and admitted guilt. Perhaps he thought I would be impressed with the picture (it was rather large) and want to go out with him. He's wrong. Turns out it's Chad the Spaz! Who would have thought? Here is what the message said:
Hey......[my name]........Chad here. Wanted to call and apologize. I accidently sent you a picture.....uh a few weeks ago or however long ago it was. I have, a lot of you know, [uncommon letter that my name begins with] in my phone and I made a mistake. So, anyway, hope all is well, bye.
What a freak!!! I did not call him back. Not to mention the other two calls he made to me that I did not return. Give it up, spaz...I should be calling him perv instead!
-H
-H
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Dear Joe Random (Again)
Dear Joe Random,
Remember how we made out at the bar a month ago? Yeah, I was pretty much blackout, so I don't really remember it either. But my friends took pictures, so there we go. So you asked me out, texted a lot, and I pretty much blew you off. Til now, when I'm in a 28 before 28 challenge, and I need to get out on a date before I get too far behind.
So, last night I was at the bar with one of my sisters for dinner and to watch the start of the game. So I'm telling her about the contest, and I'm like yeah so I better get on this and bring back some of the old roster, who will be easy to get to take me on a date and increase my numbers. So I texted you. I refer to you as Joe Random, because I've never actually bothered to know your last name. And J, my sorority sister, asks me about you. I said "he's the guy I made out with at the bar. His name is Joe. He's from San Diego." J says, "OMG, I think I might have gone out with him. Do you have a picture?"
Well, compliments of A, I have a whole album of pictures of you and me, Joe Random. So I show her one and J is freaking out. Turns out you went out with my sorority sister, and skeeved her out. But somehow, despite you guys both being at the bar that night, with me, you didn't meet. Just my luck.
So J and I decide to have a little fun with you. Despite me not returning a single text in a month, you are more than willing to take me on date. Too easy. So J is telling me about her creepy date with you, where you suggested watching a season of the Office and "cuddling in our underwear." So, in a prankster mood, I text you that "lets watch the office and cuddle" thinking surely you had to be able to recognize the similarity.
Nope, you asked me "tonight or tomorrow." Seriously, you cannot be that dumb. But you are. Because J starts feeding me information about you, like your recent trip to Ireland, and other details about your life that I know for a fact we never discussed, because when I met you, I could not put a sentence together.
And you answer them all, like its not weird at all that I suddenly am texting you after a month, asking you weird questions, and knowing intimate details about your life that I should not know. At one point, I even drop J's name. YOU STILL DIDN'T CATCH ON.
And so, Joe Random, you will be my first date on my number. Mostly because I need to kick off the challenge and I want to see if you are as creepy as J says. My hunch is yes. So, we have scheduled a lunch date for tomorrow. Because hopefully you can't be a total creeper at lunch. And a girl's gotta eat!
-W
Remember how we made out at the bar a month ago? Yeah, I was pretty much blackout, so I don't really remember it either. But my friends took pictures, so there we go. So you asked me out, texted a lot, and I pretty much blew you off. Til now, when I'm in a 28 before 28 challenge, and I need to get out on a date before I get too far behind.
So, last night I was at the bar with one of my sisters for dinner and to watch the start of the game. So I'm telling her about the contest, and I'm like yeah so I better get on this and bring back some of the old roster, who will be easy to get to take me on a date and increase my numbers. So I texted you. I refer to you as Joe Random, because I've never actually bothered to know your last name. And J, my sorority sister, asks me about you. I said "he's the guy I made out with at the bar. His name is Joe. He's from San Diego." J says, "OMG, I think I might have gone out with him. Do you have a picture?"
Well, compliments of A, I have a whole album of pictures of you and me, Joe Random. So I show her one and J is freaking out. Turns out you went out with my sorority sister, and skeeved her out. But somehow, despite you guys both being at the bar that night, with me, you didn't meet. Just my luck.
So J and I decide to have a little fun with you. Despite me not returning a single text in a month, you are more than willing to take me on date. Too easy. So J is telling me about her creepy date with you, where you suggested watching a season of the Office and "cuddling in our underwear." So, in a prankster mood, I text you that "lets watch the office and cuddle" thinking surely you had to be able to recognize the similarity.
Nope, you asked me "tonight or tomorrow." Seriously, you cannot be that dumb. But you are. Because J starts feeding me information about you, like your recent trip to Ireland, and other details about your life that I know for a fact we never discussed, because when I met you, I could not put a sentence together.
And you answer them all, like its not weird at all that I suddenly am texting you after a month, asking you weird questions, and knowing intimate details about your life that I should not know. At one point, I even drop J's name. YOU STILL DIDN'T CATCH ON.
And so, Joe Random, you will be my first date on my number. Mostly because I need to kick off the challenge and I want to see if you are as creepy as J says. My hunch is yes. So, we have scheduled a lunch date for tomorrow. Because hopefully you can't be a total creeper at lunch. And a girl's gotta eat!
-W
Monday, April 4, 2011
28 before my 28th
Today, one of my friends challenged me to go on 28 dates before my 28th birthday (late June). I happily agreed. And then I did the math. Lawyers are not the best at math. With under 3 months to go, I will need to go on roughly 3 dates per week til my birthday. Given my work schedule, my social calendar, and my volunteering, I will have to work like mad to even fit these dates in.
But I do heart a good challenge, and this is it. There are no real rules other than it has to be a real date. It doesn't have to be with 28 different guys, but it could be. And that may very well happen with the freakos I attract.
So the challenge is on... stay tuned!
But I do heart a good challenge, and this is it. There are no real rules other than it has to be a real date. It doesn't have to be with 28 different guys, but it could be. And that may very well happen with the freakos I attract.
So the challenge is on... stay tuned!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Dear Plan B (again)
So I finally went out with Plan B last night. We went to dinner and to watch the VCU/Butler game. Total ACC country first date, I know. He picked me up on time (points) in a nice car (no points since he's a car dealer). We went to Tobacco Road in Durham, which is one of my favorite restaurants, so he also got points for that.
There is a long wait so we head to the bar, and snag 2 seats facing the big screen. So perfect. I had barely sat down when I spotted my cousin's Aunt. So I had to say hi and explain why I wasn't there with Sam's Club, but instead with Plan B. And I had a mind blank at his name so I couldn't introduce him. hahhaa. Good times. So we get drinks while we wait on our food. I hadn't had food since a sorority brunch much earlier in the day... so of course, 1 drink in and I was tipsy. The joys of being a light weight.
So in walks a group of people I know from Bible Study and Church. There I am, tipsy, at the bar, with a guy whose name I have apparently forgotten. Luckily the church group stood right behind us for a good 30 minutes. That's right, a group of Baptists hanging out at the bar.
That's when Plan B decided to up the ante. He took a ring and moved it to his ring finger, saying "Now the people at church will think you are on a date with a married man." Hahahaa. Funny, but they are probably saying a prayer for me right now. Seriously.
On the ride home we discussed nipple guards. Yes, you read that right. He was telling me about running a marathon (hot, since I do not run unless a homeless man wanting to "show me something" is chasing me). Apparently he was running this marathon and his nipples bled from the friction on his shirt. So the next marathon he ran, he had to buy nipple guards. Yes, it is a real product. And yes, I had to look it up.
So after the game, he takes me straight home and literally runs out the door to get to his friend's house to watch the UConn game. Like makes no move, and drops me off before 9pm. Seriously, it was the weirdest thing ever. I think that may be the first date in history of all of my dates where the guy didn't try to make a move. Weird.
In discussion with E:
There is a long wait so we head to the bar, and snag 2 seats facing the big screen. So perfect. I had barely sat down when I spotted my cousin's Aunt. So I had to say hi and explain why I wasn't there with Sam's Club, but instead with Plan B. And I had a mind blank at his name so I couldn't introduce him. hahhaa. Good times. So we get drinks while we wait on our food. I hadn't had food since a sorority brunch much earlier in the day... so of course, 1 drink in and I was tipsy. The joys of being a light weight.
So in walks a group of people I know from Bible Study and Church. There I am, tipsy, at the bar, with a guy whose name I have apparently forgotten. Luckily the church group stood right behind us for a good 30 minutes. That's right, a group of Baptists hanging out at the bar.
That's when Plan B decided to up the ante. He took a ring and moved it to his ring finger, saying "Now the people at church will think you are on a date with a married man." Hahahaa. Funny, but they are probably saying a prayer for me right now. Seriously.
On the ride home we discussed nipple guards. Yes, you read that right. He was telling me about running a marathon (hot, since I do not run unless a homeless man wanting to "show me something" is chasing me). Apparently he was running this marathon and his nipples bled from the friction on his shirt. So the next marathon he ran, he had to buy nipple guards. Yes, it is a real product. And yes, I had to look it up.
So after the game, he takes me straight home and literally runs out the door to get to his friend's house to watch the UConn game. Like makes no move, and drops me off before 9pm. Seriously, it was the weirdest thing ever. I think that may be the first date in history of all of my dates where the guy didn't try to make a move. Weird.
In discussion with E:
w: he was weird
like hot
like i know he's not right for me
i just want to make out with him
is that bad?
E: that's the story of your life
I think that about sums it up. Haha.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Dear Jason the Weirdo
Ah, Jason the Weirdo. What a hottie. In fact, shortly after meeting him in person I knew we weren't suited for each other in a relationship but I kept answering his calls for the simple fact that he was a hot piece of ass. Every girl should go out with a guy who is totally wrong for her for at least once. This guy was all wrong but oh so right. He had an incredible body and he was actually very smart and funny. So the first time we meet I am wearing jeans and flip flops and homeboy is wearing a sports coat. Ha, oh well. We went out four times total. I'll give a brief summary of this whirlwind. Date two we went out to dinner and he proceeds to tell the waiter we just got engaged. The waiter gets excited and looks at me. I have no idea how to react! Then he tells the waiter I'm going into labor. The whole thing was just crazyness. This isn't what makes him Jason the Weirdo, though. I enjoyed the randomness of it all, actually. After going somewhere else for dessert he kisses me on the way back to the car and it was extremely well played. He was a great kisser and when we got into the car we made out some more. Eventually we make it back to my car and he puts it in park and we make out even more. Suddenly, before I realize it, he's climbing into the passenger seat with me (he has an SUV). It was actually kind of hot, I was into it.
So the next day we went golfing. I was excited because it was something different. I'm not the greatest golfer but I at least own a set of clubs and a few outfits so I can look legit out there while I'm losing golf balls and tearing up the course. Anyway, we get to the club and we are paired with these other two guys. We set off and I, of course, am doing horribly. Jason the Wierdo is doing pretty good and I have to admit, watching him golf was kind of a turn on. We arrive at the 5th hole and Jason the Weirdo goes "let's go." He turns the cart around and drives us back to the club. Without a word to the two guys we were golfing with-- totally ditched them! We went to lunch and called it a day. (Later that day I went out with Ryan the Playboy, his entry is next).
Three dates down, one to go. This time he invites me to his house. I sort of resist at first but figure what the hell. I can get in some quality make out time with this hottie and see him without his shirt on, why not. So I go over and we're watching tv, of course making out ensues. Let me go ahead and make this statement now. I didn't have sex with him. I haven't had sex with any of these guys. That's not how I roll. Believe me, I deserve a medal for my restraint sometimes but at the end of the day, I don't sleep around. Back to the story. He walks me out and I head home. All the while since I met Jason the Weirdo, we had a healthy texting and phone call situation. It was mutual and we both initiated it. We talked on text about going out for sushi the following week and he mentioned that he had a system migration thing happening at work (he's an IT guy-- I know, that seems weird after how I've described him) so he wasn't sure if he would be able to make sushi. Ok, no problem. I'm flexible and understanding, just keep me in the loop.
So I call him the night before we're supposed to go out because he hasn't confirmed yet and he doesn't answer. No problem, I leave a message. The next day I don't hear anything so I text him around 5pm and ask if we're still on for sushi tonight. No response. Fuck this. Again, in the interest of not wasting the pretty, I hop on gchat and start talking to Jon (I had already been out with him once, but his entry is coming) to find out what he was up to for dinner. Turns out he was getting ready to leave work. So we meet up at a mexican place. I get home and around 9pm I get a text from Jason the weirdo. Here's how it goes down:
J: hey sorry, i took a nap and just woke up
Me: lame
J: blah blah
Me: thanks for the ditch, super cool of you
..... exactly. WTF? So I write him off. Fuck this dude. I don't play games. I think thats the end of him. Clearly, he was not interested in me if he just blew me off like that and didn't even call to try to reschedule. So a couple days later I get a text from him.
J: Hey whats up?
Me: I thought I was blah blah
J: ?
So now I guess he's trying to act like he didn't totally ditch me. I don't understand why, if he wasn't interested, he didn't just say so?? THEN I get another text from him the next week
J: did you move?
Me: no, why?
That's been the end of it, at least for now. Who knows what the hell was going on in his head. As I stated at the beginning, I knew this guy was totally wrong for me and maybe he felt the same way about me, he just wanted to see me with my shirt off
So the next day we went golfing. I was excited because it was something different. I'm not the greatest golfer but I at least own a set of clubs and a few outfits so I can look legit out there while I'm losing golf balls and tearing up the course. Anyway, we get to the club and we are paired with these other two guys. We set off and I, of course, am doing horribly. Jason the Wierdo is doing pretty good and I have to admit, watching him golf was kind of a turn on. We arrive at the 5th hole and Jason the Weirdo goes "let's go." He turns the cart around and drives us back to the club. Without a word to the two guys we were golfing with-- totally ditched them! We went to lunch and called it a day. (Later that day I went out with Ryan the Playboy, his entry is next).
Three dates down, one to go. This time he invites me to his house. I sort of resist at first but figure what the hell. I can get in some quality make out time with this hottie and see him without his shirt on, why not. So I go over and we're watching tv, of course making out ensues. Let me go ahead and make this statement now. I didn't have sex with him. I haven't had sex with any of these guys. That's not how I roll. Believe me, I deserve a medal for my restraint sometimes but at the end of the day, I don't sleep around. Back to the story. He walks me out and I head home. All the while since I met Jason the Weirdo, we had a healthy texting and phone call situation. It was mutual and we both initiated it. We talked on text about going out for sushi the following week and he mentioned that he had a system migration thing happening at work (he's an IT guy-- I know, that seems weird after how I've described him) so he wasn't sure if he would be able to make sushi. Ok, no problem. I'm flexible and understanding, just keep me in the loop.
So I call him the night before we're supposed to go out because he hasn't confirmed yet and he doesn't answer. No problem, I leave a message. The next day I don't hear anything so I text him around 5pm and ask if we're still on for sushi tonight. No response. Fuck this. Again, in the interest of not wasting the pretty, I hop on gchat and start talking to Jon (I had already been out with him once, but his entry is coming) to find out what he was up to for dinner. Turns out he was getting ready to leave work. So we meet up at a mexican place. I get home and around 9pm I get a text from Jason the weirdo. Here's how it goes down:
J: hey sorry, i took a nap and just woke up
Me: lame
J: blah blah
Me: thanks for the ditch, super cool of you
..... exactly. WTF? So I write him off. Fuck this dude. I don't play games. I think thats the end of him. Clearly, he was not interested in me if he just blew me off like that and didn't even call to try to reschedule. So a couple days later I get a text from him.
J: Hey whats up?
Me: I thought I was blah blah
J: ?
So now I guess he's trying to act like he didn't totally ditch me. I don't understand why, if he wasn't interested, he didn't just say so?? THEN I get another text from him the next week
J: did you move?
Me: no, why?
That's been the end of it, at least for now. Who knows what the hell was going on in his head. As I stated at the beginning, I knew this guy was totally wrong for me and maybe he felt the same way about me, he just wanted to see me with my shirt off
Thursday night I got a text from Jason the Weirdo. This was very unexpected as I haven't heard from him since he asked me if I moved (which didn't make sense anyway). I got a text from him in the evening...
J the W: Hey, how are you?
Me: Hey stranger, what's new?
J the W: Just work, work, work and more work. How about you?
Me: Just living the dream!
And that was it. He continues to be an odd duck.
-H.
-H.
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