Back in December, A and I decided to go on a super cheap vacation due to a really awesome fare sale on Southwest.com. So in January, we embarked upon our week long excursion to fun in the sun. We stayed with my cousin, K, who happens to live there and is the hostess with the mostest. Love her. Seriously, we punked her by changing into hooker outfits for when she picked us up at the airport and she STILL let us stay.
So, since we were dressed like hookers and it was late when we arrived in Miami, we opted for bed that first night. The second night, however, A and I decided to live la vida loca. Begin makeout contest.
We had dinner at this beautiful restaurant called Crazy About You. The wine started there. After that we went to the Brickell area where my cousin lives for drinking and dancing.
Upon arrival at Baru, Daniel the Colombian chats us up. He sells boats in Miami. He was hilarious. He even tried to help A find boys for her makeout contest, which was useful since there was a language barrier that he could bridge for her. She tried chatting up Eduardo (or something similar... the details are very fuzzy from that night) and found that he didn't speak much English. But his friend was the owner of the bar and sent over a round of some delicious tasting shots.
Those of you who know me, immediately thought "uh oh, W's taking shots... this can't be good." And it wasn't. Anytime you see me out, if you see me taking shots, it probably means I have had so much to drink I can no longer taste anything. Hence, I am ok with taking shots.
A little while later, up comes Knoxville. Now, Knoxville was very cute. As in I had already noticed him across the bar, which is unusual for my self-absorbed self. So when he came up to talk to me, I was a happy camper. He introduced himself, I forgot his name instantly, and instead remembered that he was from Knoxville and that when I asked him what he did for a living, he said he "manipulated people." I said, "So do I. I'm a lawyer." He replied that he was a doctor. His friends were all doctors or medical students, including the one who said "I put people to sleep for a living." Hi, hello, Dateline.
One thing leads to another and Knoxville and I are making out and dancing. Classy, I know. At one point, though, I turn around and see A making out with one of the medical students. And I may have shouted across the bar "A! It looks like you have hump hair!" Because it was such an intense makeout, that her hair was all messed up. Lol. Also -- A gets wingman of the year award right here because Med Student was a douchebag and a half. At one point he told her "I'm only talking to you because my friend likes you friend. To which, A replied "I'm only talking to you because we're in a makeout contest." Love it!
After a bit, we all decide to head to a different bar and the medical students head home. I go to the bathroom first, and upon coming out run into Daniel. Daniel commences to face rape me, right in front of Knoxville. Awkward. But, all is fair in love and makeout contests.
Off to the next bar we head, and at this point K and A are being supreme wingmen because Knoxville and I are acting at about a 25 on the obnoxious scale. We held hands all the way to the next bar, stopping to kiss along the way. Disgusting, I know.
At the next bar, I switch to water, thank the lord. At roughly 3, K and A decide they have had enough and K tells Knoxville where she lives so he can make sure I get home. And off the go. Hello, dateline. Poor life decisions.
Around 4 in the morning, we decide to leave. So Knoxville is out trying his darnedest to get me to go home with him. And of course, I'm having none of it. I am not a hobag. We compromise and agree that he can take me home so we can watch the sunrise over the ocean on his balcony. And then after that hour was up, he could take me home. I made him pinkie-promise me that he would get me home immediately after. Because yes, Dateline, in my head if he pinkie-promised to get me home soon, that was a guarantee he would not kill me and make me swim with the fishes.
So we go back to his place, and we watch the sunrise, and we talk. Til 9am. There was no sleep. Nothing but talking. We must have told each other everything there was to say. I honestly have no clue what we talked about, but I know we just sat on his couch, watched the boats and the sun come up, and chit chatted. Another thing, Knoxville was scheduled to fly out that morning for a week. So, I do remember him trying to change his flights. And in the back of my mind, I was like awww that's sweet but... I don't want him to cramp my style in Miami. Eek. So in the end, we agree that he should just come to Raleigh to visit.
At 9am he drives me home. I've had no sleep. I'm hungover.
I straggle to the front desk in last nights outfit... which is THANKFULLY, jeans and a sweater. I try to make myself understood to them, but between my sleepiness and their Spanglish, I have no idea what is being said. Finally they buzz me up and I arrive back in the apartment. Which is good, because I am pretty sure K would get in a lot of trouble if I didn't show back up. Lol.
The next day... or really later that same day, Daniel texts me to see if we want to go out on his boat with him. I am in no condition to move, let alone ride in a boat with a stranger, so I decline. Yay for good life decisions!
Stay tuned for the Herpes Free Pizza Guy story!
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