Conversation Commandments

Dear daters,

I have a list of conversation commandments that you shall adhere to, in order to make it through the first few dates without a lot of awkward silences, or ticking off your date.

1. Thou shalt not use offensive language.  Excessive swearing on the first few dates, with someone you hardly know, makes your date wonder if you use this kind of language with everyone.  And makes them question the suitability of bringing you out in public to meet parents, family, coworkers, friends, and/or bosses.

2. Thou shalt not be a racist.  True story, I went on a date with a guy who literally managed to make an offensive comment about every single race there was.  Including voices.  It was disgusting.  And really stupid.  Being as this is date two, he might not know that I have cousins who are half-Koreans.  Or that one of my very best friends in the whole wide world is black.  And so on. This is a dealbreaker for a lot of people, and with good reason.

3. Thou shalt compliment your date.  Sincerely.  And not on any body part below her neck.

4.  Thou shalt not discuss money.  Your date is not interested in your bank account at this point in the game.  Impressing her by talking about how much you make is vulgar.  If things progress, there is plenty of time to discuss money down the road.

5. Thou shalt not make fun of people.  Including but not limited to: fat people, skinny people, handicapped people, gay people, straight people, agnostics, atheists,  uber-religious people, Democrats, Republicans, little people, pageant queens, drama queens, drag queens, poor people, rich people, blondes, brunettes or redheads.  But stupid people are fair game.  Knock yourself out.

6.  Thou shalt not flirt with anyone other than your date.  It's rude.  It's insulting.  And it's about 100% guaranteed to ensure that this is the last time you will be graced with the company of your date.

7.  Thou shalt say "please" and "thank you."  Be polite to your date, the waitstaff, and anyone else you encounter.  Thank him for dinner.  Thank her for a nice evening.

9.  Thou shalt not give too much information.  True story, I was on a first date with a guy, and he started talking about a conversation he had with his mother.  About his penis. And how it is two-toned. Awkward. He did not get a second date.

10.  Thou shalt do everything in your conversational power to make your date feel comfortable and relaxed.  This means avoiding taboo subjects, broaching controversial subjects cautiously, and being agreeable.  Don't try and "one-up" all of your date's stories.  Be a good listener. Ask follow up questions of her.  Switch the topic if she appears uncomfortable with where the conversation is headed.  Follow her cues, both verbal and nonverbal.


-W