I totally forgot about you until tonight, when my happy hour crew began discussing gnomes.
Haha.
Seriously though, I met you at a dinner party hosted by my boyfriend at the time, Sam's Club. You arrived an hour early. I had just gotten into town and I was literally stepping out of the shower when the doorbell rang. As Sam's Club was running around cleaning up his place and getting the food ready, I had to speed get ready and come out and entertain you. Since no one else would arrive for an hour.
I was nice to you, because I was hostess that evening. I made you feel welcome. I offered you wine. I discussed your career. How very interesting that you are working on your PHD, I said. Where are you in school? And since I was a lawyer-in-training, I soon figured out that while you tell people at parties you are working on your doctorate, you are actually working on your bachelor's degree, part time. There is no shame in that, so I am unsure as to why you felt the need to lie to me about your education.
Anyway, I talked to you sporadically during the evening as a good hostess would. You were allegedly friends with Sam's Club, so I thought nothing of it til a few weeks later when you sent me a message on Myspace (before facebook let older people in) asking me if I would like to hang out once Sam's Club moved to China. Um really?
I showed the message to Sam's Club, and in his typically Alpha Maleness, he was livid. He sent word to you via his friends back home, that you were to stay away from me. And you know what you told his friends? That I came onto you. That I wouldn't leave you alone. That I was pursuing you.
Seriously Tommie, you are 35, short, bald, and have a high school education. Not to be a total snob here, but nobody bought that for a second.
-W
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