Dear Child Custody & My Disclosures,

As promised, today's post includes a list of my initial disclosures.  But first, let me tell you about the absolute freak show eharmony matched me with.  On eharmony, you start out communications with 5 multiple choice questions, and then you move to open ended questions and then finally to email.  This fool's opening open-ended question was "Do you know a good child custody lawyer?."

What?!  Seriously, this is like the lawyer equivalent of being at a cocktail party and meeting a lawyer and immediately asking him/her about your STD.  Seriously.  Most lawyers won't touch child custody cases with a ten-foot pole.  Especially this lawyer.  Not to mention, it was a completely selfish question (read: did nothing to ask me about me) and it was just downright creepy.  Child custody issues usually involve baby mama drama.  I, frankly, don't want to get involved with someone with that much baggage.

Anyhow here is the list:

1. I am high maintenance.  No joke.  When I used to call my dad's office, his secretary would tell him "HM, line one."
2. I am southern.  Therefore, I expect certain things like having car doors opened for me, men to rise when I approach the table, and my dates paying for me. (relationship status will probably entail me picking up the check every now and again, but lets be real here, most of the time the guy should be paying)
3. I am a picky eater.  I don't like lobster, fish, or crab, but I love most other meat.
4. I don't eat vegetables, opting instead for junk food.
5. I drink, occasionally to excess.
6. I go to church almost every Sunday.  I will expect you to accompany me.
7. I was in a sorority and some of my best friends are sorority sisters, so if you don't like Greeks, move along.
8. I'm a lawyer, but I'm not rich. But I expect you to be rich.
9. Boyfriend duties will include getting my car oil changes, gas fillups and washes. I'd hate to break a nail.
10. I know I'll get plastic surgery eventually, so you need to be ok with that and ok with paying for it too.
11. I am a tease. For real.
12. I work a lot, so I don't really cook.  But to reward you for your bug killing, trash hauling, and lawn mowing, I will glady order us a mean takeout or make wonderfully splendid reservations.
13. You have to be ok with me turning heads and attracting freaks. I can't help it.
14. I have a dog. You must love my dog. We are a package deal.
15. I have a large, crazy (the good kind of crazy, not the bad) family.  We are also a package deal.


Happy Sunday!
W