So, earlier today A and I were talking about how awkward first dates are, because you really don't know what to expect or at what point in the conversation the date is going to take a turn for the worst. So we were joking about how I should ask a series of questions to guys before I agree to go out with them. An application of sorts. So here is what we came up with. What would you put on your application?
1. What kind of car do you drive? This is a first impression, so it is important to put your best foot forward here. As a dude, your car better be nicer and cleaner than mine. It's not a high bar, but it's a bar.
2. Where are we going for dinner? You should have already made reservations somewhere, and it better not be a mega chain restaurant (except for Outback or Ruth's Chris). Plan ahead and act like this isn't your first time at the rodeo.
3. What are you going to wear? It had better not be jorts, cargo shorts, or glitter. Your clothing should also be clean and ironed. Put in some effort.
4. Are you a first date kisser? It would be good to know if you are going to make a move or not.
5. Did you go to college/ do you have a job/ do you have ambition? Trust me, this seems to be an issue with some guys. I work my tail off, and I don't do it to support a K-Fed.
6. Do you look decent with your shirt off? I know I do, so you need to be able to accompany me to the beach and pool.
7. What is your living situation? If you are over 30, I am going to expect that you own your own home and no longer live with roommates. And living with your parents is a definite no-no.
8. Are you married/separated/dating/baby daddy? No explanation needed.
9. How many other girls are you texting, calling, dating, or banging? I have a double standard here. Your number had better be zero. My number varies, depending on the day. Sorry I'm not sorry.
10. Are you willing to act as a delivery service for cheese fries/cupcakes/frosties/snocones at random and various times throughout the week? I get hungry at odd times.
11. Has anyone ever complained about your kissing abilities? And your number of makeout partners cannot be as high as mine, but it better be more than your age.
12. Are you a meathead? If so, are you willing to mow A's yard, sans a shirt, while we sit on the deck with martinis and watch? Again, no explanation needed.
13. Have any of your exes ever taken a restraining order or sued you for any reason? Dealbreaker for sure.
14. Are you a felon? Have you ever been arrested for anything? Are you currently being sued? (Trust me, this has already come up this summer)
15. What products do you use in your hair. If you use more than one, we will never work out.
16. Does anyone refer to you as a douchebag, asshole, jerk, creeper, etc? Do you deserve the title? I had enough douchebag to last a lifetime already, so that limit has already been reached this year. Zero tolerance policy now.
17. Do you have a yippy rat dog or a cat? If yes, this would never work out. Manly big dogs are ok and a plus.
18. Do you know how to use a grill and do you use it often? I like steak.
19. How much debt do you have and what is your credit score? Dave Ramsey advises this. And so does my daddy.
20. Do you go to church? Do you believe in Jesus? Again, dealbreaker. And no, mormons don't count.
So there it is. An application to date me. Not too crazy. Stay tuned tomorrow when I provide you a list of initial disclosures about me. (# 1 is I am high maintenance).
-W
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