Dear Jay the Puker,

So this weekend I attended the wedding of H & S in Virginia.  It was a beautiful wedding for two of the nicest people on God's green earth.  I loved every minute of it.  At the wedding was Jay the Puker.  S had set me up with Jay the Puker when both Jay and I were summer associates in Raleigh after our second year of law school.

The first date was a blind date and it was wonderful.  Jay brought me a white rose, had reservations at a nice restaurant, picked out a great bottle of wine.  The whole nine yards.  So, I agreed to a second date.  The night of the second date, I had a migraine and wasn't feeling well, but it was just a short drinks/dinner type of date so I told R, the girl I roomed with that I would be back home in time to catch So You Think You Can Dance.

So we went to Bogart's, home of the best martinis in Raleigh.  We each got a martini, and were chatting.  But Jay kept slamming back the martinis.  I was on my first one, he was on his third. Uh Oh.

 I did not know that Jay had been on a summer associate outing the night before.  For the uninitiated, prior to the recession, law students were treated like rock stars, didn't have to do any work as summer associates, and just had to sit back and be wined and dined all summer. Ah, the good ole days.  Anyhow, Jay had had numerous cocktails the night before, and due to the hangover, had not eaten a thing all day.  And now, according to S, Jay was on a date with me and very intimidated.  So I order us appetizers at the bar, because Jay was starting to slur his speech.  And I continued on to my second and third drinks.  I was on my third drink when Jay polished off his 6th and started to literally pass out face first on the bar.  I text P to bring in reinforcements.  Its going to be a much longer and more complicated night than I thought.

Holy crap.  Nothing in life prepares you for the point where your date passes out at the bar. Ever.  My sorority sister, A, worked at this restaurant.  She came up to me and tells me Jay is about to get thrown out of the bar, because you can't be passing out. Eff my life.  Jay drove us here. It is a second date, I have no idea where Jay lives.  So, I go to the bathroom where it was quiet to call S and bitch him out/find out where Jay lives so I can put him in a cab home.  No answer. Wonderful.

I come out of the bar to witness Jay being escorted out of the bar by security.  There is puke all over Jay, all over his suit, all over the bar, and all over the chairs. Disgusting.  Security asks me if I know where he lives.  I said no, but I would try to find out. Jay can no longer form a sentence, so I ask him to hand me his wallet.  He hands me a pukey wallet. Wonderful, what a lovely exchange of body fluids I did not expect.  And his license was from Virginia.  So the bouncers kicked him out.

Luckily, P had arrived and A was still working there so I had people to hang out with til someone could drive me home.  The bartender, feeling sorry for me, said "don't worry he left his bar tab open, so have more drinks."  So I did. I had a lot more.  And then I met a group of gay guys who were fascinated by what had just happened to me.  So I became BFF with them for the night.  Invited them to my birthday party and everything.  You guys should see the pictures from that night. Haha.

So undeterred by the group of gays surrounding me, Sam's Club wades through to introduce himself to me and ask me what was so hilarious.  So Sam's Club starts buying all my drinks.  We apparently had our first two kisses that night.  Neither of which I remember.  So, let the record reflect, that I started dating Sam's Club while blackout after I had a date get thrown out of the bar/restaurant for puking.

Jay called to apologize the next day, but I didn't answer and I just let it go at that.  I was dating many other guys at the time, and none of them had puked on me, either.  Jay, was a gentleman, however.  He called S to make sure I got home okay and he did tip the bartenders several hundred dollars for acting a fool according to A.

Fast forward to the bar exam the following summer.  Poor Jay and I get stuck on the same row.  So everytime Jay gets up, he has to walk right past me. So awkward.  And even though Jay and I are both attorneys in Raleigh now, our paths hadn't crossed again until this weekend.  And of course, we pretended we didn't know each other.  It was only polite.

-W.