Because sometimes the breakup crazy is funnier than my most recent dates. The backstory: N went out with Jason the Psycho for a while. Then she broke up with him. Two months later they got back together. After a few weeks Jason dumps here. Two months later they are back together. N decides they were broken up for a reason and dumps him for a final time after a week. This is the response she got a few days later. The comments in color are mine. Enjoy!
So I've gone through the phase where I feel sorry for you, that you truly might be helpless in causing these wrecks in your life. But in conversations with friends and family I've decided that, you know what - fuck you. (what an opening! he got a collective group of people to say fuck her? impressive, but mostly sad)
You get off easy in life because you're cute (most definitely) and bubbly (normal) and your family covers your ass (um if your family doesn't have your back, who does?). You've never had to really work for anything on your own (complete BS. N works her tail off), so you don't truly appreciate anything. You claim to admire that in others, but you never subscribe to it yourself.
I've been trying to decide whether you're insane(she didn't write this manifesto buddy, you did), the biggest liar in the world, or just the weakest asshole on the planet. I'm beginning to believe it's a nice mix of all three. For you to flip so quickly on so many occasions (guess i was right again!) this has to be the case. All week and even Saturday (another great date) you want to marry me and live with me forever and sunday you're walking out AGAIN? I wanted to be mature about this(writing a manifesto like this is epic fail at being mature, buddy). I told you everything would work out for you, that your life would be beautiful, but again fuck that and fuck you. Your life will be a series of disappointments as long as you continue to not get help and live for other people or for God- as you claim...
I don't believe for a second your religious bullshit reasoning (and now we're bringing God into this. wow). You want to do Gods work? Start by acting like a good person and stop trampling through other peoples lives like a runaway train. You throw your hands up and shrug and say 'that's just me' well you know what? It's not acceptable. When your family is off and married or sick of your bullshit, they'll probably dispose of you the way they have your brother (again, total BS). Nice Christian values you're subscribing to. Fuck everything up- but I'll do some mission work- that will fix everything. I NEED TO DO GODS WORK .... but only of I don't get into grad school. What a fucking pathetic joke. I'm not sure you even half believe the shit you spout, I think it's just all part of the program. You live your life for the people who programmed you instead of yourself and yet you can't even be close to honest with them.
You threw away 'the one man ( probably the second, as the more you show your true colors, the more I realize you were either cheating or acting insane with Gabe too (N's ex husband, who she married really young. but you know that rule about not bringing exes up on first dates, same goes for breakups. also N never cheated, for the record)) that would love you despite your shortcomings. The one that can't help but still love you. That's being a good person. I'm forgiving myself for lashing out here because I know that deep down I've still got all the love in the world for you (because I know people who in the same paragraph called me an insane cheater really do love me deep down). Sad that I would still help you despite all of this. That's what let's me feel good about myself at the end of the day.
Thanks for showing me that the issues I've been having are not physical (this has to be my favorite part of the whole thing! he couldn't get it up for other girls when they were broken up and HE TOLD HER THIS!!!! hahahah i love it!). I plan on utilizing that knowledge in the very near term with someone smarter, better looking and all around more whole. (so you went out with ugly dumb chicks on the breaks? don't you know you are supposed to rebound with upgrades silly boy?)
I'm sure you'll be fucking way through Florida anyway (she went home to visit her parents...). You're 'i was pure while we were apart' rings pretty fucking hollow (she was by choice, you weren't except for your physical limitations). Your word is shit. Start by being true to yourself, and maybe someday soon- when your looks fade and you're staring at the walls wondering what has become of your life- maybe then you'll find some poor sap to take pity on you and finally make you an honest woman. Or maybe some random asshole you fuck will knock you up.. Who knows- good luck with that. (omg he went there!)
I still love you as much as I am furious with you. But really N, stop being a piece of shit and pointing fingers at your faith and family and own up to being a fuckup. And for once in your life, get off your ass and legitimately do something about it. Ohh I can't afford therapy (out of the two of them, if i had to pick one to send to therapy right now, it would be the writer of this email)... But I can drop 100's on clothes and 1000's on braces. Lies, bullshit and playing the victim- too bad there is no grad school for that right?
I was willing to take you away from it all- the excuses, the fake life you lead- I was willing to wipe the slate clean with you. A strong, smart, attractive and extremely capable man- and once again you look life's gifts in the face and spit at it.
Thanks for letting me out early I guess. You're a fucking idiot, have fun lying to yourself and letting your family ruin your life.
Good luck in life, you're going to need it.
Sent from my iPhone (he typed all this on an iphone! such dedication to looking crazy!)
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