Dear Mr. Awkward & Oblivious,

ladies and gentlemen, i present another guest blog:


Dear Mr.Awkward & Oblivious,

I was newly single when we met.  In fact, we met at my exboyfriend's house only a week or two post break-up.  I had decided to make an appearance at this party for my exboyfriend's roommate's birthday.   And since I knew I could make my ex seriously jealous, I flirted with EVERY guy at the party.  However you were oblivious to the warning signs that maybe I was just flirting to flirt, and was not actually interested in you.

Warning sign 1:
I gave out my number to one of your friends, who left the party relatively early in the night, and told YOU to tell him to call me.
Warning sign 2:
After warning sign 1 left, I had my sights set on a frat boy from Washington and Lee, because frankly he was the most attractive guy at the party.  And was more heavily flirting with him, than any other guy at the party.
Warning sign 3:
After playing a  few rounds of cards, I was getting more and more tipsy, so I ended up giving my number to almost every guy at the card table, including you, with no intention of hearing from them. 
Warning Sign 4:
In front of you, my Ex's Roommate, who was a friend of yours, invited me to spend the night with him, "just to cuddle", which I probably would have done, if it weren't for warning sign 5.
Warning Sign 5:
I left the party with Washington and Lee. (To be clear, we went to my house just to make out.  I (like W) am not a slut, seeing as I was commonly called a tease). 

I'm not sure how you managed to not pick up on any of the signs that you didn't have a chance with me.  Any guy with self respect would realize they didn't have a shot.  You however, called me a few days later.  You asked me out for a Saturday night.  I already had plans, which was consequently a movie date with your friend from the party (see warning sign 1).   So, you settled for asking me out to lunch.  As a struggling college student, I lived by the motto "A girls got to eat", so I wasn't going to turn down a free meal.  You picked me up and took me to a local Greek Restaurant, where we proceeded to make forced conversation.  Afterward you took me home, and I think you expected me to invite you in.  Did you really think you were getting an afternoon delight?  Did I not make it completely obvious I was just looking for a free meal?  In retrospect, I probably should have just gone to McD's and gotten a few items off the dollar menu to avoid this awkward encounter.   So Mr.Awk, next time, it might behoove you to check the warning signs that a girl might just be using you.  Because, for our date, it was simply just that. 

M