We met at the bar Saturday night. You were cute, you had two dogs, and you were well educated. All good things. You asked me out. I accepted. You suggested church. We go to the same church, so I agreed since I would already be going.
Perhaps it was my mistake to accept a date that would be occuring in a mere few hours. You texted me throughout the night, even after you left the bar. It should have been my first clue that you did not buy me or any of my friends a drink the entire night. C'mon dude. You were sitting at our table.
So anyway, you woke up bright and early for early service at church and said you would see me soon. Then you sent another text a few minutes later to tell me that you had left your car at the restaurant last night so you wouldn't be able to take me to church. So I told you that you were totally going on the blog. And here you are.
So you asked me what time I had free before Tuesday night, when you head out of town. I said Monday night. I'm a busy girl, and technically I was supposed to work out on Monday, but I could be flexible and skip it. So I told you I was free Monday after 7. You said ok. Today you text me to tell me that your plan is taking our dogs to the dog park.
It is freezing cold outside. As in it sleeted this morning. As in the dog park would be a muddy stinking mess. And really really cold. And I would have to wash the dog again when I got home. So i texted you back and said "Isn't it too cold and muddy for the dog park?"
Plan B: my dog prefer mud and I'm from PA girl. its not cold. but onto plan b [yes, he called me girl. this guy has a JD. wtf]
me: my dog prefers mud too but I don't prefer wrestling her into the bathtub. what's plan b?
Plan B: plan b is spontenaity. you plan. i don't. uh oh...
me: should we just skip it then? [ this was the text that was deemed nice enough by a panel of judges to send; it won out over "call me if you ever get a decent plan," and "i really don't feel like you're putting any effort into seeing me, so i'll pass. thanks"]
Plan B: k
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how to fail at a first date before you even go on it. Seriously, you are 35 years old. As in old enough to know how to plan a date. I could have reservations and tickets to a movie in 10 minutes. Open Table and Fandango it. It's not exactly rocket science. The fact that you couldn't spare 10 minutes out of your day (and you work for yourself) means that impressing me was not high on your priority list. This zero lack of effort left me entirely underwhelmed.
Girls have to know what the plan is for dates. Because generally a first date is somewhere nice, so we have to dress up and not wear jeans with uggs or flip flops. Or if you were thinking of going to mini golf and go-carts, I wouldn't want to wear heels. You have to provide this heads up. We also need to know if we're eating dinner or not, and what time dinner will be. So if you have reservations at 9pm, I need to know to eat something first so I am not starving by the time dinner rolls around. And if you aren't involving food at all, then you should probably go date someone that needs to be on a diet. As in, not me.
Further, looking back, I think you might be a cheapskate. A decent dinner with drinks in Raleigh shouldn't cost more than $100. If you can't spare that for a first date to make a great first impression, you probably aren't in a financial place to be dating. Period. But you tried to do the "let me take you to church" and then after you screwed that up, you went for the "lets go stand in the freezing cold, dark, sketchy dog park." What do both of these things have in common: they are free and require no planning. What else do they have in common: you will not be dating me when you lead with those kind of ideas.
Update: So turns out that Plan B couldn't take me to dinner because he is fasting for Lent. I can't be hating on God... so the jury is still out on plan B...
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