Drapps

Dear Joe Random,

I met you at a bar.  I quizzed you on Bible verses and churches.  Did you honestly think I was going to go home with you at the end of the night.  Let's be for serious.  That's not what Jesus would do.

I realize you are "not from around here."  So I will explain to you how your fatal error came next.  You sent me a text that said "want to go get drinks or something." 

1.  You can go get drinks with your buddies.  You take girls you would like to date out for dinner.  Drapps (drinks + appetizers) does not a date make.  Sorry.
2.  Did you seriously just ask me out via text message.  Wow, what an effort.  I am so flattered. 


Here in the south, or anywhere else where girls demand to be treated with respect, you have committed two unpardonable sins.  You failed to ask me to dinner, or lunch, or even coffee.  Instead you opted for the "lets go get drinks and possibly drunk and make mistakes route."  Which means you don't really respect me or have my best interests at heart.  (And also, a girl's gotta eat!)  To make matters worse, you asked me to drinks in the most wussy way imaginable.  So, the next time you meet a nice girl, here's what you do:

1.  Don't creep her out within an hour of meeting by suggesting she come home with you "just to cuddle."
2. If you do get her number, put on your big boy pants and call her. Hold a real conversation with her.
3.  During said phone call, ask her out to dinner.
4.  If any of the above proves too hard for you, then you obviously don't like her enough, so stop wasting her precious time.

Recap:
brownie points : goes to church
strikes: tried to take me home to "cuddle," asked me out via text message
dealbreakers: asked me to get "drinks" via text

(I met Joe Random at a bar.  Joe is his first name, no idea of what his last name is so I put it in my phone as Random.)